


Before I go

by Accidental_Shipper



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Demon Deals, Fluff, Gabriel Loves Sam Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Gabriel (Supernatural), Hurt Gabriel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Minor Castiel/Dean Winchester, Misunderstandings, Musician Gabriel (Supernatural), Panic Attacks, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Has a Crush on Gabriel, Sam Winchester Loves Gabriel, Slow Build Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Stubborn Gabriel, angst with a happy ending ?, it's for two chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 23,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25674748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accidental_Shipper/pseuds/Accidental_Shipper
Summary: Over nine years ago, Gabriel made a deal with the devil and now only has less than a year to live. This was initially not a problem for him as he was convinced that he was leaving nothing behind.However, after playing a song at a subway station in New York City that was heartbreaking enough to render all those that listened to tears, he attracts the attention of a Lawyer named Sam Winchester who serves nothing but to make Gabriel’s departure a little harder.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 25
Kudos: 52





	1. The Deal

**Author's Note:**

> This is roughly based on the one shot I made a while back. 
> 
> And yes I was inspired by the song "Before you go" by Lewis Capaldi ( seriously listen to the song if you haven't already). 
> 
> I hope you enjoy my angst filled story!

Nine years ago, Gabriel made a deal with the devil. The meeting took place at a crossroads during the first winter month. Gabriel remembered how the cold air nearly froze his entire body and rendered him unable to properly grasp the trumpet he held with his numbing hands.

Once his wristwatch announced the midnight hour, a man appeared before him with an ominous smile.

“What brings you here in this untimely hour?” he asked, voice low and foreboding.

“I have come to make a deal.” replied Gabriel.

The devil raised an eyebrow. He looked at the trumpet that Gabriel had in his hands.

“And I suppose that the deal has something to do with musical affairs?”

“It shouldn’t anything new, I heard you had quite a history with musicians. “

A small smile crept into the devil’s features “Tartini didn’t write that sonata on his own now did he?”

He took Gabriel’s trumpet from his hands and, with a long-nailed finger, touched the finer parts of the instrument.

“Personally, I have a preference for stringed instruments, but I like to see what you can compose with this thing. You like Jazz?” The devil asked cynically.

“I prefer classical.” replied Gabriel who was surprisingly impassive towards the face of evil itself.

The devil’s smile grew eerily wider “Perfect.”

The devil slightly adjusted the tuning slide of the instrument before returning it to Gabriel.

“You know,” he said as he walked steadily towards Gabriel until there was little distance between them “I can help you compose some pieces.” he proposed.

Gabriel bristled.

“Tell me your name so that we can become more acquainted.” the devil whispered.

“Gabriel.” he managed to mutter.

With that the devil sneered, he moved away from Gabriel as though he were a bad omen.

“Biblical name, not a fan.”

He looked at Gabriel in disdain before his expression shifted entirely to one of slight interest.

“See you in ten years,” he said before vanishing entirely.

Standing at the crossroads, Gabriel realized that the air suddenly became much colder.

Nine years later, Gabriel stood once again in the cold air, except now he was playing songs on a platform of a subway station in New York City. He stood there for hours with numb fingers and chapped lips just to collect a few coins and dollar bills in the case he uses to carry his instrument.

A small crowd gathered to listen to him play “Frosty the snowman”, it was appropriate considering the time of year in which people only expected songs composed of joyous rhythms and sweet melodies to further invigorate the holiday spirit. It was a system that Gabriel was accustom to and yet, he could not refrain himself from wanting to express a certain kind of sorrow.

Today was December 12th, the exact day when Gabriel sold his soul. After today he would have less than a year to live. For nine years this wasn’t an issue, he performed every day on the streets and each performance was always accompanied by a loud ovation. He did not require a large stage as the New York audience was pleasant listeners to some of Gabriel’s finer pieces. It helped that Gabriel didn’t have any relationships which, in his eyes, made the departure easier.

Even so, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that Gabriel would eventually be weighed down by his own fate, even without any relationships he still felt as though he was leaving something behind.

After he finished his song, he received the standard applause and coins. He watched as most of the crowd starting to leave to catch the subway while those that remained just stood around for no reason.

Gabriel sighed heavily before placing his chapped lips on the mouthpiece, he had no intention of playing another Christmas song and instead started playing a piece he had written just a week ago.

The trumpet played a soft tune and the melodies it conveyed could not be mistaken for anything other than grief. The bystanders that heard the music begun to unconsciously weep at the intense unhappiness and heartbreak that Gabriel managed to express. The song itself was a lyrical prayer for salvation which sounded immensely desperate when the higher notes of the song were played.

Ultimately, the song was a story of irreversible regret.

Gabriel finished the song and a long silence followed. There was no ovation and not a single coin was tossed in the case.

A subway entered the station and the bystanders were once again set in motion. Gabriel glanced at his wristwatch. 11 pm. Deciding that it was best to leave, Gabriel started packing up his things but, not before he felt a slight tap on his shoulder.

Startled, Gabriel turned around to see a tall gentleman looking down at him. Gabriel could tell that he was struggling with his thoughts as every time he tried to open his mouth, he just shut it again.

Slightly amused by the man’s demeanor, Gabriel asked “yes?”.

That seemed to only hasten the man’s attempt to convey his thoughts.

“I- I just uhm wanted to say that what you played was uhm a very inspiring piece.” the man shuddered.

Well that was sweet.

“Thank you.” replied Gabriel and he meant it.

Gabriel packed his things and left before the man had even a chance to finish his sentence.


	2. All I ask of you

_I- I just uhm wanted to say that what you played was uhm a very inspiring piece._

Sam cringed when he heard himself say those words again. He splashed his face with water from the bathroom sink in his apartment in the hopes that the cold shock would somehow erase the memory.

“He must think that I am a total weirdo,” Sam told himself.

Sam exited the bathroom and slammed headfirst onto his bed’s pillows, he groaned before vowing:

“I am never taking the subway again”.

After a few minutes, he could relieve himself from the initial embarrassment and took out his phone to check his emails.

_No New Emails._

He sighed heavily before putting his phone away. It shouldn’t have surprised him; after all his father did tell him that if he went to Stanford, Sam would lose all contact with him. Still, there was nothing preventing the feeling of disappointment.

Indulging in self-deprecation, he rested his head on the pillow before drifting off to a deep slumber.

***

Gabriel entered his apartment building and heard the familiar sound of a cat meowing.

He smiled softly before crouching down and calling the cat’s name, which Gabriel appropriately named “Chet”.

A black cat came racing from around the corner and jumped onto Gabriel’s knees.

“How have you been buddy?” Gabriel asked as he petted Chet who started to purr.

Gabriel didn’t mean to adopt him, one day he accidentally let the window open and the little guy just scurried in which is the only efficient way of getting a cat. Although, Gabriel had to ask himself sometimes if Chet wasn’t just a dog trapped in a cat’s body, he always desired physical affection and didn’t seem to mind water. Gabriel would know, every time he would open the kitchen tap Chet would just run in and dip his head under the water.

Gabriel didn’t mind though; Chet was a great cat even though Gabriel would have to give him away eventually.

Gabriel shook his head at the thought, there was no point being concerned about that now.

He took all the coins and dollar bills he collected in a jar before leaving the station and placed it on a desk counter along with six other jars.

“That should pay for at least half of the rent, right?” he asked Chet who unsurprisingly didn’t answer.

Gabriel sighed and sat down on the couch, Chet quickly followed him and laid down on his lap. Gabriel smiled softly despite his increasing feeling of exhaustion.

_“Dad, can I learn to play the trumpet?”._

_“Why don’t you want to play the guitar like your old man?”._

_Gabriel shook his head “I want to be the next Chet Baker”._

_Chuck smiled before he hoisted Gabriel onto his side._

_“Why don’t we go to the music shop and see what they have?”._

_Gabriel bounced happily in his father’s arms._

Gabriel woke up to Chet licking his nose. He groaned softly before lifting himself up and shifting to a regular sitting position.

“Guess I should practice a little for next week's theatre performance,” he told himself.

Gabriel wasn’t eager to dwell upon the distant past. However, the flashbacks came more frequently. It must be because his days were numbered and therefore forcing him to reflect upon different interpretations to otherwise straightforward memories. Gabriel loved his father but, poor decisions that lead to his demise made Gabriel reconsider his initial admiration.

He opened the balcony window and stepped outside with his trumpet at hand. Once he sat down on a chair and heard the cars from the streets below, he started playing.

***

Sam woke up to a soft melody playing in the distance, he stood up and, after a few moments, recognized the song from _The Phantom of The Opera_ where Raoul and Christine sing about their compassion for each other. Sam could practically hear the lyrics.

_No more talk of darkness_

_Forget these wide-eyed fears_

_I'm here, nothing can harm you_

_My words will warm and calm you_

_Let me be your freedom_

_Let daylight dry your tears_

_I'm here, with you, beside you_

_To guard you and to guide you_

Sam followed the melody and stepped outside to his balcony. He paused when he realized who was playing, it was the musician from the subway station.

_Let me be your shelter_

_Let me be your light_

_You're safe, no one will find you_

_Your fears are far behind you_

Sam leaned forward on the railing, completely indulged in the beautiful melody. When he stepped out of the subway earlier that day, he was entranced by the music that emanated throughout the station, even though it sounded heartbreaking. When he heard it, he began to weep not only because it sounded so hauntingly beautiful, but because it somehow resonated within him.

He looked closely at the man playing, so much emotion was put into his performance that Sam couldn’t seem to look away. He closed his eyes when he heard the final verse.

_Anywhere you go, let me go too_

_Love me, that's all I ask of you_

Gabriel finished the song and sighed heavily; it was an impressive first try considering he didn’t practice for a week. Proud by his own performance, he looked at the scenery around him. There was something alluring about street and window lights illuminating over the night sky. Captivated, he looked slightly up only to see a man looking down at him from their balcony.

“Shit,” they both said before scurrying back inside their apartments.

“I knew I shouldn’t have done a midnight performance, now I woke up the neighbor,” said Gabriel.

“Great, now he thinks I am a stalker,” said Sam.

The next day, Sam sat down on his desk and scanned through the case he was assigned to. He took the taxi this morning, which was not convenient or cheap, just to avoid any more awkward encounters with the musician.

A friend of his named Cas was sitting across from him and said:

“From what I heard it’s a pretty straightforward case; a kid named Kevin Tran shot and killed a man at close range with a revolver before leaving the scene. Didn’t take long for the police to find him and perform an arrest”.

“And I’m his lawyer,” said Sam “This trial won’t take longer than a couple of days”.

Cas must have heard the disappointment in Sam’s voice because he continued:

“Some people have speculated that blackmail was involved or that it was an accident. Either way there might be more to this case”.

Sam considered his friend’s words.

“Guess I won’t know until I start investigating”.

Cas smiled before he added:

“I got two tickets for this musical next week; do you want to come?”.

“That depends, what are they playing?”.

“The Phantom of The Opera”.

Sam paused, that song the musician played yesterday was from that musical. So, there is a high possibility that he will be there next week. Sam actually started to sweat at that realization.

“So, are you coming or not?” asked Cas after Sam went completely silent.

“uhm sure, why not” replied Sam without really thinking.

“Great, see you next week,” said Cas before he stood up and left Sam’s office.

After Cas left, Sam slammed his face on his desk and mumbled:

“Why does this keep happening to me?”.


	3. A kind gesture

Sam looked through the file again for his next case and scratched his head. The file itself was thin and consisted of only four pieces of paper. Just like Cas had told him, the case was straightforward: Kevin Tran pointed a gun against a man’s head and killed him.

Even so, Sam stood firm in his conviction that there could be more to the case than simple manslaughter. He was going to interview Kevin tomorrow and listen to his side of the story but, now he was exhausted. He was somehow the last person in the office again despite his fellow lawyers having way more complex cases than this.

He stood up from his desk and started packing up, only then did he remember the ticket that Cas gave him earlier that day. Still embarrassed about the entire situation, he picked up the ticket from his desk and shoved it down his pocket. He took the subway against his better judgment.

Sam stepped out of his platform only to hear the melody of “Jingle Bell Rock” playing throughout the station. He went to the source of the music and sure enough, the same trumpeter from yesterday was playing the song whilst leaning against a steel column.

Sam couldn’t help but smile at the melody, it seemed to soothe him after such a stressful day. He looked around and saw that the people around him expressed the same sentiment. Sam was impressed, it took a special kind of talent to make a group that is commonly deemed as unfriendly by the rest of the world to smile.

Once the trumpeter finished, a large number of people started to throw change into the case. After most of the crowd left, Gabriel started to pack up. He dumped the coins into a jar he had in his bag. However, one of the coins missed the opening and rolled on the ground before Gabriel could grab it though, Sam intervened and picked it up.

“I think you dropped something.”

Gabriel shyly took the coin “Thank you.”

There was an awkward silence.

“I’m sorry,” both said simultaneously. They both looked at each other in confusion.

“For waking you up” clarified Gabriel who was able to recover from the confusion quicker than Sam.

“What, no you didn’t wake me up,” Sam thought for a moment “Actually you did but, it was a pleasant wakeup call.”

“Oh,” replied Gabriel

Sam saw the guilt written on his face “I’m Sam Winchester btw.” he said, offering his hand.

Gabriel was slightly taken aback but, accepted the offer “Gabriel Shurley”.

“Shurley, oh like Chuck Shurley the guitar player?”

“Something like that,” replied Gabriel.

“Man, he was one of the best guitar players ever. Too bad he had to go out as so many young artists do,” said Sam.

“Drug overdoses are more common than you think,” muttered Gabriel.

Sam looked closely at Gabriel and realized he looked like he was about to cry.

“I didn’t mean to insult you!” said Sam hastily “I’m sure that nothing like that would happen to you!”.

Gabriel wiped his nose “It’s fine, I know you didn’t mean any harm.” he put his trumpet inside his case. Before he left, he said to Sam:

“See you around, Sam.”

***

Sam sat down in the interviewing room and looked through the Wikipedia page for Chuck Shurley.

_Chuck Shurley had one son named Gabriel Shurley who he dedicated one song to before he died in 2011._

Sam put his phone in his pocket and stared at the wall in disbelief. He harshly rubbed his face with his hands out of pure embarrassment but, quickly stopped when he saw a guard enter the room with Kevin Tran.

“Good morning, Kevin. I’m Sam Winchester.” introduced Sam after the guard left and Kevin took a seat in front of him.

Kevin didn’t return the gesture. He kept his hands under the table and eyes glued to the floor.

Sam was surprised when Kevin spoke first.

“Am I going to get a life sentence?”.

Sam shook his head.

“I will make sure you don’t” he promised.

“And what makes you so sure of that?”.

“Because I know that there is more to this story than you’re willing to tell”.

However, Kevin didn’t look all too convinced.

“Who was the man I shot?”.

“What?” Sam asked in confusion.

“What was the man’s name?”.

Sam didn’t know how to respond. For him, Kevin’s questions only confirmed that this was not an intended murder.

“Andrew Gallagher”.

Kevin nodded in understanding “And did he have a family?”.

Sam paused.

“He was going to.” he finally answered.

Kevin looked at him in utter shock and disbelief before his face crumbled. Sam could only watch as Kevin started to sob uncontrollably.

***

“I want all of you to put your heart and soul into next week’s show because you know what’s better than the performance?”

“The music.” everyone in the orchestra replied.

“Exactly.”

As the instructor continued their speech, Raphael, a fellow trumpeter and a sort of acquaintance turned to Gabriel and said:

“You seem distracted.”

Gabriel looked at Raphael in confusion “What do you mean?”.

“Well, you look like you’re pining,” suggested Raphael.

Gabriel considered Raphael’s words for a moment.

“Raphael, what do you think it means when someone says something really personal unintentionally.”

Raphael gracefully put his hand on Gabriel’s shoulder “Sounds like somebody is crushing.”

Gabriel’s face blushed in embarrassment.

“Why? Did you say something completely dumb and personal to somebody you liked?” asked Raphael, now extra intrigued.

“No, nothing like that. It’s just I had these weird encounters with this guy who always want to interact with me even though it always goes poorly.”

Raphael smirked, “You’re so oblivious, Gabriel.”

“Gabriel and Raphael! Stop your chattering, we have a performance next week!” yelled the instructor. 

Gabriel gave Raphael an annoyed look before continuing their performance.

***

Sam returned to his apartment feeling overwhelmed by the events that just happened. Kevin told him that he intended to “kill the man behind the face” but, Sam had no idea what that meant. He went to his balcony table and scanned through the file hoping to find an answer. However, nothing came.

Sam slammed the file on the table out of pure frustration. Kevin could be tricking him but, his reaction to the man’s death proved otherwise. Sam scrubbed his face with his right hand, he needed to ask for an extension on the trial because he could not possibly compile a proper case before the 13th of January.

***

Gabriel sat on his couch after a long day of practicing, of course, Chet was delighted to see him. He even licked Gabriel’s face when he lifted the cat off the floor.

Gabriel considered Raphael’s words from before, he wasn’t being oblivious because there was nothing going on.

He stepped outside onto his balcony and looked up; he saw Sam sitting down on his chair. Gabriel smiled at first but, then realized that Sam looked a bit troubled. Even from a distance, Gabriel could see that Sam was scrubbing his face and ruffling his hair. Out of pure instinct, Gabriel went inside to grab his trumpet. He came outside again and leaned against the railing. He took a deep breath before starting to play “trumpets” from Jason Derulo.

From the other side of the street, Sam was momentarily interrupted by his frustrations when he heard the familiar song starts to play. He stood up from his chair and looked below, he saw Gabriel playing the song and started laughing out of the pure ridiculousness of the situation.

Gabriel saw Sam’s laughter and continued playing however, he was interrupted by his downstairs neighbor who went outside and shouted from the top of their lungs:

“Gabriel for fuck sake! Stop playing that stupid song!”.

Gabriel stopped immediately, he looked over at Sam and both started to laugh. Gabriel went inside before the neighbor could yell at him again and sat on the couch.

“What?” he said when he realized that Chet was looking at him “It’s a favor, it doesn’t mean anything.”

When Chet continued to look at him blankly, Gabriel huffed and went inside his bedroom.

As for Sam, he was grateful for Gabriel’s kind gesture.


	4. The boy and the gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a plot based chapter.

Sam stood at the entrance of Kevin Tran’s home, hoping to get an interview with Kevin’s mother. Unfortunately, Sam could not request a continuance based on the reasoning that if he found new evidence, he would have enough time to properly prepare himself for the trial.

_I thought I was rid of him, I thought I was finally free but, instead, I shot an innocent man._

He couldn’t get those words out of his head, there was no comprehensive way to understand what Kevin meant.

But before he could further reflect upon the conversation, Kevin’s mother answered the door and welcomed Sam inside.

“Thank you for taking the time to talk with me, Mrs. Tran.”

Mrs. Tran offered Sam a seat at the dining table which Sam gladly accepted “Anything if it helps Kevin.”

Sam looked at her and could practically recognize the look of a concerned mother.

“Mrs. Tran did Kevin ever display any odd behavior?”.

Mrs. Tran shook her head “The only odd thing was that Kevin manage to provide me with the finance needed to keep the house.”

“And did he tell you where he got the money from?”.

“That’s what weird about it, he never told me,” She looked down at her clasped hands “He worked at a gas station, and even then, he didn’t earn a lot.”

Sam slightly nodded while writing something down in his notepad “And does your family own a gun?”

Again, Mrs. Tran shook her head “I have no idea where he got it,” She looked up at Sam and he was crestfallen when he saw tears in her eyes “He’s a good kid,” she whimpered “He would never murder a man intentionally.”

Mrs. Tran sobbed softly as she pressed the palms of her hands on her forehead. Sam placed a hand on her back, trying to abate her miserable wails.

***

Sam returned to his office later that day and looked through the documents he requested, which were Kevin’s purchase history and his job history. Both did not provide an adequate answer to the recent chain of events. Kevin only ever worked at a gas station and his purchase history only consisted of food supplies and various textbooks. The Tran’s did, at one point, suffer financial debt but as Mrs. Tran told Sam they miraculously managed to fix it through Kevin’s support.

Sam was busy looking through the files when Cas entered his office.

“Looks like you’re pretty busy,” he said as he observed Sam’s clutter on his desk.

Sam sighed heavily “There are so many things that just don’t make any sense,”

Cas leaned against the corner of Sam’s desk and took one of the documents “You won’t be able to decipher anything in this clutter.”

Sam looked at his mess and thought for a minute “Cas, who said that this case could be blackmail?”.

Cas crossed his arms “A police officer said that one of the witnesses insisted that the man who was shot was taunting Kevin or something.”

“And do we have the witness’ name?”.

Cas shook his head “No, the man is homeless and that is all we have on him. Although” Cas added, “The police officer recognized him because he takes the same subway where the man would beg almost every day.”

“And which subway is it?” Sam asked, now intrigued.

“Actually, I think it’s the one you take.”

And with that, Sam stood up on his feet and ran out the door but, not before thanking Cas on the way out.

***

Sam went inside the subway and scanned through all the carts. Honestly, he wasn’t expecting to find the man considering that he may not even be on the subway at this specific hour. He should have been checking the homeless sanctuaries before making the impulsive decision of just stepping on a random subway hoping it would be the right one. However, his bold optimism overrode any reasonable thought.

Under regular circumstances, Sam would have left empty-handed, however, Sam’s luck reached new levels as he found the beggar on one of the last carts.

“Hey, you!” Sam called.

Sam wished he didn’t sound so authoritarian because the minute he called him; the man looked at him in fear before sprinting to the next carts.

“Wait!” Sam sprinted after him but, the subway stopped, and the man went through the doors.

Gabriel entered the platform with his instrument when he saw Sam running after Frank. He watched as Frank sprinted past him and before Sam could do the same, Gabriel grabbed him by the arm.

“Wh- What are you doing Gabriel! I’m going to lose him!”.

“You won’t catch up to him by chasing him, come on I know how we can corner him,” Gabriel took Sam by the hand, not noticing Sam’s small blush, and started dragging him.

Frank stopped to catch his breath, he turned around to see if the man was still chasing him when he saw that nobody was behind him he smirked in victory before turning the corner only to find Gabriel and the man standing on the other side. Gabriel grabbed Frank’s arm before he could run off again.

“I didn’t steal anything!” Frank yelled.

Gabriel rolled his eyes “We know you didn’t Frank.”

“I just want to ask you something,” Sam informed politely.

“Well, you ain’t getting anything from me.” Frank sneered, Gabriel grabbed his arm tighter to correct his behavior “Ouch! okay fine! What is it?”.

“You saw a murder recently take place, didn’t you?”.

Both Gabriel and Frank looked at him in shock.

“Are you sure you want to talk about that here?” asked Frank, gesturing towards the busy streets.

“No, you’re right, let’s go somewhere else.” Sam agreed.

They went to the park close by and sat on a bench located at a more obscure area to secure their privacy, Frank sat in between Gabriel and Sam much to Sam’s disproval.

“I was sleeping here on the bench when I saw the boy. He caught my attention because there was absolutely no reason why he would go walking around so late in the evening”.

“Do you know exactly when he came?” asked Sam.

“I’m guessing it was around midnight,” answered Frank “He stood under a streetlight when the man appeared. I am saying ‘appeared’ literally.”

“What do you mean?”

Frank looked at Sam “I mean the man came out of thin air.”

Gabriel’s throat closed up.

“I am telling you, that man was not human.” Frank continued “His smile was all too wide and his eyes almost glowed. I couldn’t tell what they were saying but, I saw that boy was angry at that man who only smiled at the boy’s anger. He continued to smile even when the boy held that gun against the man’s head.”

“What happened next?” asked Gabriel.

“The boy shot him but, I doubt he got the job done. The thing he tried to kill escaped through the man’s mouth and nostrils in a trail of black smoke, leaving nothing behind but a convicted killer. The boy saw what he’d done and ran away.” Frank finished.

“Okay,” said Sam clapping his knees “Thank you for your service but, I shall be going.”

“Wait, aren’t I getting something for my insight?”

Sam groaned loudly and pulled a five-dollar bill from his pocket. Satisfied, Frank stood up and walked away.

“Unbelievable,” Sam sneered “This guy is crazy right, Gabriel?”

However, Gabriel didn’t reply. He kept his face to the ground and looked like he was going to pass out.

“Gabriel,” Sam said perplexed “You don’t actually believe him, do you?” 

“Of course, not,” Gabriel said weakly “I just can’t believe that a kid would kill a man.” he lied.

“Well, I am going to figure you why.”

Gabriel stood up from the bench and patted Sam’s shoulder “I bet you will.”


	5. Riptide

Gabriel returned home that day, feeling exhausted and sick. His stomach churned after hearing Frank’s story as he could practically feel the boy’s misguided hope and eventual despair. Gabriel should have expected that the devil could inflict such atrocities (it is practically evident that he would) but it still didn’t quell nausea.

Even after death, the boy will remain imprisoned. 

Gabriel went to his bathroom and vomited in the toilet.

***

Sam returned to his office and gave Cas, who was still there a scornful expression.

“What?” asked Cas, who was not expecting Sam to look at him so distastefully.

“Thanks for giving me a crackhead of a witness, Cas!” Sam spat.

“Sam- “.

“No Cas, I knew this case would attract nothing but crazy theorists because nobody is willing to believe that a sixteen-year-old kid killed a man!” Sam yelled before sighing in frustration "I know what happened. Kevin got finances from Andrew for the house and when Andrew asked for the money back, Kevin couldn’t return it. He must have threatened Kevin, scared him.” Sam took the seat from his desk, suddenly feeling overwhelmed “That’s the only explanation for this.”

For a moment, Cas didn’t say anything. He simply looked at his friend in empathy. Eventually, though, he placed his hand on Sam’s shoulder and said:

“Once I heard that you were taking on this case, I knew that nothing, but hardship would come.” He looked Sam in the eye “That is why I offered you a ticket to The Phantom of the Opera so that you can momentarily relax and later reflect upon the case with a clear mind.”

Sam took out the ticket he still had in his pocket and held it tightly “You’re probably right.”

Cas smiled before leaving Sam’s office.

_Maybe I should ask if Gabriel is going to be there,_ thought Sam.

***

Unfortunately, Gabriel was not at the subway station. It didn’t bother Sam though, he convinced himself that Gabriel was just busy if it was true that he was in next week's performance then he must be practicing.

Once Sam made it to his apartment, he immediately went to his balcony and checked if Gabriel was outside.

He wasn’t.

Again, Sam wasn’t bothered although, he did notice that all the blinds were down which he thought was odd.

Sam would eventually see Gabriel later that day outside his balcony with a small mug in his hands. From the looks of it, Gabriel just woke up from an entire day of slumber.

_Poor guy,_ Sam thought.

Gabriel looked up from his balcony and noticed Sam. Once he saw him, he smiled and waved. Sam did the same. This was when Sam decided to ask, he stood up from his chair, leaned against the railing, and shouted:

“Are you going to the performance in five days!?”.

Gabriel, who was not expecting Sam to shout from his apartment building, shouted back:

“What?!”

“Are you going to be in The Phantom of the Opera!” Sam shouted louder.

“Sam, if you’re going to ask just come over here!”.

“What!?”.

“Come to my apartment building and ring the doorbell!”.

“Okay,” Sam shouted back.

Sam quickly went out of his apartment building and into Gabriel’s. He stood at the entrance and scanned through the various doorbells. Once he saw the initials, G. Shurley, he pressed the doorbell and the entrance door unlocked. Before he went in, Gabriel informed him that his apartment was on the fourth floor to the left.

Soon enough, Sam made it to Gabriel’s apartment and Gabriel welcomed him inside.

“Wow, your apartment is gorgeous.” complimented Sam, indirectly referring to the various plants on the windowsill, the white walls, the wooden floor panel, the modern furniture, and the guitar perched next to the tv.

“Thank you,” replied Gabriel.

Chet came from around the corner and rubbed himself against Sam’s leg.

“Who is this cutie?” asked Sam.

“Chet,” replied Gabriel who looked fondly at Sam being adored by his cat.

“Where did you get him?”.

“Oh, he just showed up after I accidentally left my window open”. 

Sam chuckled “Sounds like an efficient adoption method”.

“So, what is it you wanted to ask?” Gabriel took a seat on his couch and gestured Sam to follow.

Sam took a seat on the couch, making sure to keep some distance between him and Gabriel. Chet quickly sat on Sam’s lap to which Sam responded by gently petting the cat’s fur.

“I was going to ask if you were performing in the musical The Phantom of the Opera in less than a week.”

Gabriel smiled “Indeed I am, did you figure that out after you heard me playing one of the songs on the balcony two nights ago?”

“Yeah,” said Sam “You played it beautifully btw, it was a- a softer song than what you played on the subway earlier that day.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow “What do you mean by ‘softer’?”.

“I mean that it didn’t hit as hard” replied Sam “I mean it when I say that it was hauntingly beautiful, it sounded so desperate and yet, sophisticated. It is hard to describe.”

“Sounds like you have an appreciation for music,” Gabriel said shyly.

“Even those who are not interested in music would have found it beautiful” insisted Sam “But yeah, I sort of do” admitted Sam “It’s one of the reasons why I agreed to go to the musical with Cas”.

“What was the other reason?” asked Gabriel.

Sam looked at Gabriel before turning his head to hide his blush “Because I also like the story” he lied.

Gabriel chuckled “Well, I am glad you’re going to be there.”

There was silence for a few minutes before Sam addressed the guitar perched next to the tv.

“You also play guitar?” Sam asked.

“Oh no, it’s just there for decoration. Do you?”.

“Just a little,” Sam confessed.

“Well then,” said Gabriel as he stood up from the couch and handed the guitar over to Sam “Show me”.

Chet moved from Sam’s lap and jumped on Gabriel’s shoulder. Sam gently took Chuck’s guitar and started testing the strings. Once he remembered the basics, he began playing “Riptide”. He began tentatively but, then with burning confidence. He played the song masterfully and it didn’t fail at making Gabriel smile.

He sat down next to Sam, keeping a short distance. He listened fondly to Sam playing and something inside him sparked.

For the first time in nine years, Gabriel felt something like love.


	6. A Gift and A Promise

Five days passed and the snowfall begun to go down heavily upon the streets of New York City. Tonight, was the premiere of _The Phantom of the Opera_ and Sam made sure to dress appropriately, the theater was called “Majestic Theatre” after all.

Sam and Cas sat down at the seats farthest away from the stage and while their seats did not provide an adequate view of the pit orchestra, Sam could still recognize Gabriel’s trumpet from the myriad of other instruments playing. Especially when “All I ask of you” started playing, Sam would close his eyes when he heard Gabriel’s parts as he could not stop loving those soft melodies.

After the show was finished, Gabriel stepped out of the theater only to see Sam standing across the street. Gabriel softly smiled before going over to Sam.

“So, what did you think?” asked Gabriel.

“My friend and I absolutely loved it,” exclaimed Sam.

“Oh, where is he now?”.

“He already went back home, I actually stayed here because I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Ask away,”

“Are you going anywhere for Christmas?” Sam scratched the back of his head “I mean, this is the first Christmas where I am not with my family and I guess I want company” Sam admitted.

Gabriel thought for a minute before replying “Well fortunately for you, I was planning to stay in my apartment this year.”

He looked up at Sam who looked back at him longingly “So, yeah I would love to join you for Christmas.”

Sam smiled brightly before leaning down to hug Gabriel, which Gabriel was not expecting.

“See you then,” said Sam before walking away and leaving a blushing Gabriel behind.

Christmas rolled around and Sam had just finished making dinner, it had been a rough five days for Sam as he was unable to make progress with Kevin’s case. From the few files that Sam had requested, there was nothing that linked Kevin and Andrew together, no relationship, no contract, nothing. The best that Sam could do for the kid now was to convince him to plead guilty, which would reduce Kevin’s sentence greatly.

For now, though, Sam could really use a break.

After he set everything down, he heard a knock coming from his door. Sam opened the door and Gabriel stood on the other side with Chet perched on his shoulders.

“I hope you don’t mind him being here, I just couldn’t leave him alone for Christmas,” said Gabriel.

“Of course, not,” exclaimed Sam as he petted Chet behind his ear.

Chet jumped out of Gabriel’s shoulder and together with Gabriel stepped inside, Gabriel immediately saw the dinner that Sam made. 

“Wow Sammy, you really outdid yourself.”

“Thank you,” said Sam, he looked down and saw that Gabriel was carrying a big case with a red ribbon placed in the middle “What is that?” asked Sam, addressing the case.

“Oh this,” said Gabriel, he walked towards the living room and placed the case on the coffee table. He opened the case to reveal Chuck’s guitar.

“I brought you a gift”.

Sam took a moment to look at the guitar in awe before objecting:

“Gabriel this is yours, I can’t take this.”

“You’re not taking it; I’m giving it to you.”

“But I didn’t get you anything.” Sam insisted.

Gabriel shook his head “As long as you play it, that is the only gift I need.”

Gabriel didn’t mind giving his father’s guitar to Sam, in his eyes, this would be passing the torch. Sam would eventually accept the gift and vowed that he would use it every day. After that, Sam and Gabriel went to eat dinner when Gabriel asked:

“How’s it going with the case?”.

Sam didn’t look up from his plate “All I can confirm is that it was manslaughter, if Kevin placed the revolver against Andrew’s head the bullet would have pierced through both sides of the skull which it didn’t, meaning that there was distance. I went to the park earlier this week at midnight to confirm that you can not see beyond the streetlights and from what I could tell from the photos, Andrew was walking on the grass plain and not on the sidewalk, meaning that Kevin couldn’t see him coming. Andrew must have spooked him, causing Kevin to shoot him blindly.”

“Through the head though,” Gabriel said warily.

“It’s more common than you think.”

“So, you can’t prove that he is innocent.”

“No,” replied Sam “But, I think the prosecutor will collect this kind of evidence and agree that it was manslaughter, I will let the prosecutor talk and I will convince Kevin to plead guilty on the condition that it was accidental so that he would be guaranteed the sentence of five years.”

With that Gabriel almost looked relieved.

“That’s good to hear.”

Sam and Gabriel finished dinner and together sat on Sam’s couch. Sam began playing songs on his new guitar while sharing drinks with Gabriel. Overtime though Sam grew quite intoxicated while Gabriel was still sober (ironically enough). Gabriel softly sighed when he saw Sam drowsing off.

“Okay, that’s enough liquor for you” Gabriel put the bottle beyond Sam’s reach and took the guitar from Sam’s hands, and placed it inside the case. He lifted Sam off the couch and started dragging him to his bedroom

“Let’s get you in bed okay?”

“But we still need to see the fireworks,” whined Sam.

“Those are only coming out on new year’s,” clarified Gabriel.

Sam groaned “I feel sick,”

Gabriel huffed before turning towards the bathroom. He placed Sam in front of the toilet bowl and massaged his shoulders “Man, you’re heavy.” However, Gabriel was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard Sam gagging. Gabriel quickly held Sam’s hair back when he started throwing up.

“That will reduce the hangover later I promise,” reassured Gabriel when Sam stopped gagging.

Before Gabriel could lift him again though, Sam took Gabriel’s hand and softly said:

“Can we stay here for a minute?”. 

“Sam, you need to rest,” objected Gabriel.

Sam shook his head and leaned against Gabriel “Please don’t leave me alone. I hate being alone, I was never alone for Christmas until I decided to become a Lawyer”.

“I guess it’s hard to see your family when you’re always busy, huh?”

Again, Sam shook his head “My father doesn’t want to see me anymore. He hates Lawyers, he says it’s their fault for not helping my mother when she was falsely accused of murder and he says it’s their fault that she is serving a life sentence. I only became a lawyer so that I could one day get her out, but he doesn’t believe that”.

Gabriel softly gripped Sam’s hand “I'm sorry Sam,”

Sam pressed himself closer to Gabriel “Please just don’t leave.”

“I won’t,”.

“You promise?”.

Gabriel hesitated.

“You promise?” Sam persisted.

Gabriel closed his eyes and felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“I promise,” he whispered.


	7. Bohemian Rhapsody

Gabriel woke up to Chet’s meowing, he groaned softly before rubbing his eyes to adjust his vision. He saw that he was still in Sam’s bathroom, leaning against the wall with Sam pressed against his side.

He blushed bright red before turning his attention towards Chet, “Chet, you got to wake him up.”

Chet looked at him for a moment before turning around and going towards the living room.

“Traitor,” hissed Gabriel.

However, his attention quickly refocused on Sam who was slightly moving in his sleep, Gabriel’s breathing grew shallow when Sam started gaining consciousness. Out of panic, Gabriel closed his eyes again when Sam abruptly woke up.

“How did Kevin get the gun?” he realized before he got up on his feet and hurried towards his bedroom.

Gabriel looked at the hallway dumbfounded when he realized that Sam didn’t even notice him. After a while though, Gabriel could recover from the confusion and gingerly started getting up. He found Chet laying on the couch and carefully lifted him, he slowly reached for the front door when Sam opened his bedroom door.

“Man, Gabriel I’m sorry I left some of my documents in my office and I have to get them.”

Gabriel stood frozen in front of the door, after a few seconds he managed to mutter “Oh, that’s not an issue.”

Sam groaned softly before placing a hand against his head. Gabriel loosened his muscles at the sight of Sam’s distress.

“Are you still hungover?” Gabriel asked worryingly.

Sam took his hand away from his head “I guess so,”

Gabriel put Chet on the floor and went to the kitchen to grab a glass from the cupboard, he filled the glass with water before handing it to Sam.

“You must stay hydrated.” reminded Gabriel.

Sam accepted the glass and guzzled down the water.

“Thank you,” whispered Sam.

“It’s no problem but, I wish I could do more to relieve the headache.”

“I don’t mean just that” objected Sam shyly.

Sam gently gripped the glass in his hands before muttering “I mean for staying with me”.

Gabriel smiled but not without a touch of sadness, he picked up Chet off the floor before saying “I have to go through,”

“Oh yes, of course,” Sam placed a hand on Gabriel’s back before guiding him to the front door “Before you go, do you want to go to time square for new years?”.

“I would love that,” said Gabriel before walking away.

Sam closed the door when his phone started vibrating, he picked up and was surprised to hear Kevin (he must have been calling through the prison’s phones).

“Kevin is there an emergency?”.

“Not really, the prosecutor came in today and offered a plea agreement.”

_That was quick,_ thought Sam but, at the same time, he kind of expected it. There was no possibility that Sam could compile evidence that proved Kevin was innocent and thus, it only made sense that the prosecutor wouldn’t want to waste time on a case this simple.

“Under what agreement?” asked Sam.

“Manslaughter 2nd degree,” replied Kevin.

Sam sighed in relief; the prosecutor compiled the same evidence as Sam did.

“That’s okay; That’s good actually,” said Sam “But listen, I will come over there and help you make the decision, okay?”.

“Okay,” replied Kevin, and Sam could hear that he sounded relieved.

Sam came inside the interviewing room and together with Kevin went through all the evidence given by the prosecutor, who was a fellow Stanford student and a close friend of Sam’s.

The gun belonged to the father of one of Kevin’s friends and that friend have given the gun as a gift. The friend claimed that he was certain that the gun unloaded and couldn’t possibly work, the prosecutor affirmed that he was telling the truth when he passed the polygraph test. Kevin also took the polygraph test several days ago without Sam’s knowledge which Sam was not too thrilled about, but it didn’t matter because all it did was affirm that this was not an intended murder.

“You will be charged with 1st-degree manslaughter. Now, you can choose to continue the trial under that charge and likely be convicted with a minimum sentence of five years or a maximum sentence of life in prison. Or you can sign a plea agreement that will reduce your charge to 2nd-degree manslaughter and consequently reduce the severity of the punishment. The minimum sentence is one year, and the maximum sentence is 10 years in prison.” offered the prosecutor.

“Now, given the severity of the crime, it’s likely that you will only receive minimum sentence,” said Sam.

“And will the Judge accept the agreement?” asked Kevin.

“They always do,” promised the prosecutor.

Kevin slightly nodded “I’ll sign it.” he agreed.

And with that, Sam felt victorious.

The days before the trial went smoothly as the plea agreement stopped any further investigations into the case, this gave Sam some free time which he used to practice the guitar with Gabriel. Gabriel was still busy though, handling both street performances and theater performances. However, Sam didn’t mind. He was happy that Gabriel would spend the little free time he had with Sam, they even started to compose some musical pieces together.

Gabriel would keep his promise to go to time square with Sam on New Year’s. This was around the time that Gabriel asked about the case, Sam reassured him by explaining the plea agreement to which Gabriel responded with a genuine smile.

Sam remembered when the clock struck midnight and the confetti and fireworks were in the air that Gabriel looked upon the scene with a small smile on his face, one that expressed slight content and Sam could only wonder if this was the first time he went out on New Year’s.

Or perhaps this was his last.

***

Lucifer released a chain of white smoke from his lips as he listened to the first verse of “Bohemian Rhapsody”.

_Mama just killed a man_

_Put a gun against his head_

_Pulled my trigger, now he's dead_

_Mama, life had just begun_

_But now I've gone and thrown it all away_

He smiled when he heard the lyrics that were all too perfect. He finished his cigarette and pressed the fast-forward button on the recorder, with aging teeth and a weak throat, he sang bits of the 3rd verse with long, unnerving pauses.

_Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?_

_Bismillah! No, we will not let you go_

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no_

Sam stood in front of the courtroom with Kevin by his side. Sam could tell that Kevin was nervous by his attempt to hide his shaking by clasping his hands together.

“Hey, you’re going to be okay. You were lucky to have a good prosecutor like Charlie; most prosecutor would rule the case as murder and just leave it like that. She took the time to find out what really happened.” He placed a hand on Kevin’s shoulder “And besides, I know this judge. He’s a bit on the old side but, he is good.”

Kevin accepted the reassurance by softly smiling.

“All rise for honorable Judge Nicolas.”

Everyone in the court rose when Judge Nicolas stepped inside. He took his seat and said:

"Please be seated. Bailiff, that is our first case?"

"Your Honor, our first case is Kevin Tran vs. the United States of America."

"Very well, is the Prosecution ready?”.

“Yes, Your Honor,” replied Charlie.

“Is the Defense ready?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” replied Sam.

“Very well, the Defense may make opening statements."

Kevin stood up from his seat “I, Kevin Tran plead guilty for the 2nd-degree manslaughter of Andrew Gallagher”.

Charlie then took the signed plea agreement from her bag and handed it to the Judge. He looked at the document closely though, not with the reading glasses he had hanging around his neck.

“Very Well,” he said.

Sam closed his eyes while waiting for the verdict.

“We the jury find the defendant, Kevin Tran, guilty.”

Sam squeezed his eyes.

“For the 1st-degree manslaughter of Andrew Gallagher.”

_What._

“We hereby sentence you to life in prison,” He slammed the gavel upon the hard surface “This court is adjourned.”

Sam froze.

Somewhere in the distance, he heard the Bailiff speak, telling everyone to rise. He heard Kevin’s mother crying in the background, saw Bailiff taking Kevin away, and saw the Judge leaving. He heard his own rapid heartbeat, far clearer than the muffled sounds around him. 

_No, no, no, no._

Sam quickly ran out of the courtroom before one of the Bailiff’s could apprehend him. He ran across the long corridors before he saw judge Nicolas heading towards his office.

“Your Honor!” Sam shouted.

Nicolas turned around and looked at Sam with an amused expression.

“Well, well why are you in such a hurry?”.

“Your Honor,” panted Sam “If a defendant signs a plea agreement, you are obligated to reduce the charge.”

“Actually no,” replied Nicolas “I can refuse to accept the agreement if it is not adequate.”

“Even if you don’t accept it, this is not a crime deserving of the maximum sentence.”

“Why not,” said Nicolas “The boy tried to kill me.”

Sam paused.

“What?”.

Nicolas smiled “The boy was smart; I’ll give him that. He manipulated his friend into thinking that he gave a seemingly unloaded gun out of generosity rather than out of Kevin’s constant demand for it. He chose to meet me in the park at nighttime to avoid any witnesses and he stole a single bullet from the shed of his fiend’s father without anybody seeing him.”

When Sam looked at him in disbelief, Nicolas continued.

“I should have known that a sixteen-year-old would have a harder time accepting the fact that they would only have ten years to live. But then again, if he was so eager about living out the rest of his life, then he shouldn’t have made a deal with me. But alas, the capitalistic structure of this society makes people believe that financial debt will destroy their lives so, I guess I understand the boy’s desperation. Even so, he deserves nothing but the worst for putting a gun against my head.”

When Nicolas finished, he saw that Sam had a few tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Oh, Sammy,” Nicolas walked over to him and hugged him tightly. Sam’s breathing grew shallow as his body stiffened at the contact “You know, you can make a deal if you want. Save Kevin’s life in exchange for yours. I’m sure you will make for a better asset than him.” he whispered against Sam’s ear.

“No,” replied Sam with as much anger as he could muster despite trembling.

But Nicolas only smiled. He placed the palm of his hand against Sam’s cheek “You could never save Kevin and you could never save _him.”_

“Who are you talking about?”.

Nicolas took his hand away from Sam’s cheek “You know who” he said before vanishing entirely.

Sam collapsed unto his knees. His breathing grew rapid as he tried to recapture the air that escaped his lungs. Sweat began to drip down his face causing his vision to blur. Somewhere in the distance, he heard someone calling him, asking him if he was okay before shouting for a paramedic.

_I thought I was rid of him, I thought I was finally free but, instead, I shot an innocent man._

Sam began violently gasping.

_I am telling you, that man was not human_

_His smile was all too wide and his eyes almost glowed_

_The thing he tried to kill escaped through the man’s mouth and nostrils in a trail of black smoke, leaving nothing behind but a convicted killer._

He began to whimper at the realization that he was about to die.

_You could never save Kevin._

Darkness started to consume him.

_And you could never save him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I will be taking a three week long hiatus to study for my upcoming retake. I will immediately begin the story again after I am done.
> 
> For now, I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> P.S. I know there are multiple interpretations on Bohemian Rhapsody with "it's young man who has accidentally killed someone and, like Faust, sold his soul to the devil" being only one of them, still I wanted to integrate that interpretation into the story because I thought it would be fun.
> 
> Anyways, I will come back to you guys shortly!


	8. Stages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised an update after my retake so, here you go!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Gabriel stood at the station awaiting Sam’s arrival. It will only take a couple of hours; Sam had promised him. But after hearing his wristwatch announce the midnight hour, he soon realized that Sam wasn’t coming. Gabriel released a cloud of air as he sighed heavily, he felt the cold air urging him to go home, and eventually, he would comply.

Walking back home, a thousand possibilities circled his mind. He scanned through the worst-case scenarios and disregarded them almost immediately. He wouldn’t accept the possibility that something serious had happened, based on the reasoning that he had little understanding of how the justice system worked and therefore was not suited to pass judgment. For all, he knew things were going fine, and he was just wasting his time by worrying so much.

It was only a week later that he started to worry.

He looked across the street at Sam’s apartment to try to see if his lights were on, when he saw that the curtains were not drawn back, he pulled out his phone and tried to call him.

He didn’t pick up.

_It’s fine,_ he told himself, _he’s probably busy._

Still, he could not ignore the underlining dread. He looked at his wristwatch and noted the time. His theater performance only started in six hours, which gave him plenty of time to check Sam’s law firm.

He stepped inside the law firm and went to the receptionist.

“How may I help you?” she asked politely.

Gabriel stuttered a little bit “I-I’m looking for Sam Winchester.”

The receptionist typed on her computer “I’m afraid he’s not here.” she informed him. 

“Is he still doing the trial of Kevin Tran?” asked Gabriel, sounding panicked.

“No, he took a new case”.

Gabriel turned his head to see a dark-haired man standing in the hallway.

“What do you mean?” Gabriel asked hesitantly.

“He took a new case in another State” Cas clarified.

“Which one?”.

“I’m afraid that’s classified” Cas replied rather coldly.

“We can reserve an appointment” the receptionist reassured, trying her best to ease the tension.

“That won’t be necessary,” said Gabriel. He looked at Cas with a scornful expression before leaving the building.

Cas watches as Gabriel left and shook his head. He didn’t mean to sound punitive, but he had no choice.

No one needed to know that Sam was in a coma.

Gabriel returned home feeling livid, Chet remained perched on the couch when Gabriel sat next to him.

_So, he just finished the trial and went to another State without telling me? Even without returning home?_

Gabriel shook his head in disbelief. He wouldn’t explain why he felt this much anger.

Was it simply because Sam didn’t tell him that he was leaving or was it because of something petty, or even selfish?

His mind turned towards the memory of having made that promise to Sam on Christmas when Gabriel vowed that he wouldn’t leave _him_ behind, and somehow that only augmented his bitter frustration.

But he pushed his hair back slowly to calm himself. He shouldn’t be feeling this way. It was selfish, cruel even if Sam was the one that left him behind.

He looked at the clock that hung on the wall and saw that his performance was in an hour. He got up and put some cat food into Chet’s bowl before leaving.

_Would it be easier now that he left?_ Gabriel thought to himself, still ever convinced of the notion that severing ties with the world would somehow ease the burden of what was to come. And for a moment, his persistent bargaining could mitigate whatever desperation was clawing in his gut. Even so, time would eventually weigh him down as he couldn’t prevail over the loneliness he felt. 

Especially, not when over a month would pass.

***

Sam opened his eyes to see the glow of a dim light hovering above him. He turned his head towards the soft beating sound beside him and recognized the heart monitor perched against the wall.

He tried sitting up but, he felt a soft hand gently push him back down to whatever he was laying on.

“Not yet,” they said.

“Where am I?” asked Sam.

“You’re in a hospital” a young, female nurse informed. Before Sam could further interrogate her, she continued: “You suffered an immense panic attack that reduced the air circulation in your lungs and subsequently put you in a coma”.

Sam took a moment to process everything “And how long was I gone?”.

“A month”.

“Oh God,” he muttered in disbelief.

The nurse took a seat beside him “You must have experienced or witnessed something truly horrifying”.

Sam looked down at his weakened hands “I did see something horrifying”.

“What did you see?” she asked.

Sam focused his attention on her. 

“I saw the devil”.

With all the details given to him, the possession, the contract, the twisted demeanor Sam could easily recognize what stood before him. He tried envisioning what the devil looked like underneath the wrinkled skin of Nicolas but every time he did so, a new wave of panic ushered in. The physical rehabilitation that aided him in reestablishing his senses to his lower body only served to remind him of how he was rendered visibly vulnerable from the encounter. It took him two weeks to recover from the physical damage, but the emotional toll would remain.

***

The first days of March came around and already the weather started to shift. Gabriel felt the spring breeze brush against his cheeks as he stood on his regular spot in the subway station. It has been almost two months since Sam left and at this point, Gabriel gave up, occasionally he would try to call Sam or look at his apartment to see if the lights were on but other than that, he just stopped looking. Today he decided to stay out later but, this would be a poor decision on his part as his late-night stay would attract unwanted attention.

Sam returned to his apartment building later that evening, he immediately opened the balcony window to let in much-needed air. He looked across the street to Gabriel’s apartment but saw that the curtains were down, and the window was left slightly open.

_I’ll explain everything once he gets back._ Sam vowed before going back inside to lay on the couch.

_You know, you can make a deal if you want. Save Kevin’s life in exchange for yours. I’m sure you will make for a better asset than him._

Sam closed his eyes as the memory of the encounter suddenly resurfaced. He took out the pills that the Doctor prescribed him out of his pocket and quickly took one before a surge of panic could overcome him. After a few moments, he could recover from the upcoming panic. Relieved, he stretched out his arms to loosen his muscles, but his arm managed to hit the guitar perched next to him and before it could fall, Sam quickly reached out and grabbed it.

“Damn, that was close” he muttered to himself.

He placed the instrument properly on his knee and played some of the strings to make sure everything was still in tune. Satisfied, he begun to play some chords to invoke his lost memory. As he played, an old conversation resurfaced from over a month ago.

_“Are you nervous about the Trial?” asked Gabriel._

_Sam slightly adjusted the tune of his guitar “Not really”._

_Gabriel smiled “That’s good”._

_They stayed in silence for a few minutes before Sam asked:_

_“Why do you play music, if you don't mind me asking?”_

_Gabriel contemplated for a moment “I think it’s because I genuinely believe it provides a proper distraction”._

_Sam looked at him curiously_

_“A distraction from what?”._

_“From everything I guess”._

Sam put Gabriel’s words into consideration as he began to play different songs at random. Every time the memory of the encounter threatened to reemerge, he played a bit faster as to drown them with the music emanating from the instrument. He played until small cuts started opening on his fingertips and only stopped when the physical pain grew too unbearable.

Sam sighed in frustration, he intended to play again with his now bloodied fingers but paused when he heard a cat meowing in the distance. Surprised, he turned his head towards the balcony and saw Chet entering the room.

“Chet, how did you get up here?”.

Sam placed the guitar next to him and tried to pick up the cat, but he scurried away and began frantically clawing at the front door.

“Chet, stop it!” Sam picked up Chet, but he broke free from Sam’s grasp and started clawing at the door again.

Sam watched curiously at Chet’s actions.

“Is there something wrong?”.

Chet meowed nervously in response. With that indication, Sam quickly grabbed his coat, put on his shoes, and opened the door. Chet sprung out and Sam quickly followed.

They made their way to an alleyway. Sam stood at the entrance while Chet ran next to a trash can and was completely out of sight.

“Chet!” called Sam. He stood in place, not wanting to enter the dark corridors but when Chet didn’t respond, Sam soldiered on and carefully took a few steps forward. He made his way to the trash can but stopped when he saw a damaged trumpet on the ground.

He picked up the trumpet off the ground and inspected it.

_Is this Gabriel’s?_ He thought worryingly. 

His judgment was quickly legitimized when he turned his head towards Chet’s meowing and saw Gabriel on the ground with blood and bruises covering his face.

Sam scurried towards Gabriel and placed both hands on his shoulders. Gabriel, who did not realize it was Sam, flinched away in fear.

“It’s okay, it’s me, Sam” Sam reassured.

Gabriel quickly opened his unbruised eye and looked at Sam with a combination of shock and longing on his face. He looked at Sam’s bloody fingers and asked:

“What happened to your fingers?”.

“What-what happened to you?!” Sam nearly shouted.

“I got mugged, it happens to the better of us” when Sam didn’t respond, Gabriel continued “I tried to fight them off but, I was clearly no match” Gabriel tried to smile to ease the tension but, Sam shook his head slowly.

“Come on, let’s get you to my apartment. Can you stand?”.

Gabriel tried to stand up, but his legs buckled. Sam caught him before he could fall on the ground again. Sam quickly took the trumpet with him before scooping Gabriel up and carrying him to Sam’s apartment. Once there, Sam quickly took the first aid kit and cleaned Gabriel’s face before putting the bandages on Gabriel’s cuts.

They remained silent until Sam gently touched Gabriel’s bruised eye with his thumb and muttered:

“Bastards”.

Gabriel looked closely at Sam’s concerned face “It’s fine, I’ll put some concealer on, and it’ll be out of sight. It’ll make me feel like a clown but that’s fine”.

“I’m pretty sure my brother would call you a painted whore” Sam teased.

Gabriel chuckled “He’ll be right about that”.

Sam looked away for a moment “I should have contacted him when I was away” he looked at Gabriel “I should have contacted you”.

“You were on a case”.

Sam looked at Gabriel in confusion “No I wasn’t”.

“Somebody told me you were”.

Sam considered for a moment “It was probably Cas who told you that, he probably wanted me to keep a low profile”.

“Why would he want to keep you in a low profile?”.

Sam swallowed heavily “Something bad happened at Kevin’s trial and I had a panic attack. Apparently, it was so bad I was put in a coma for a month. It took me two weeks to recover”.

Gabriel looked at Sam in horror before leaning in and holding him close. Sam, who was not expecting such an upfront reaction, hesitantly returned the embrace. Sam froze when he felt wet tears on his shoulder.

“I knew that something bad had happened and I didn’t do anything to help you” moaned Gabriel “I-I just stayed here and indulged in my own depression”.

Sam placed a hand behind Gabriel’s head “It’s okay, I’m fine”.

Sam pushed away before gently wiping away Gabriel’s tears “I’m not leaving”.

Gabriel didn’t say anything.

Sam turned towards Gabriel’s broken trumpet on the coffee table “I’m sorry about your instrument”.

Gabriel looked at the discarded instrument and, much to Sam’s surprise, started laughing. He choked a little when new tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Does this mean I’m rid of him?” he rasped “Does this mean I’m free?”.

_I thought I was rid of him, I thought I was finally free but, instead, I shot an innocent man._

Sam’s blood went cold.

_And you could never save him._

_No, no, no, no._

_God please, don’t let it be him._

Gabriel wiped his tears and stood up from the couch before putting his trumpet in his case. Sam quickly stood up and placed both hands on Gabriel’s shoulders.

“Did you make a deal?”.

“What?”.

Sam’s lips quivered “Did you make a deal with the devil?”.

Gabriel froze.

“Did you or didn’t you, Gabriel”.

Gabriel thought of avoiding Sam’s question by mockingly scrutinizing his sanity. But instead, he muttered:

“Yes”.

Somehow that only increased Sam’s anger.

“Why did you do it?”.

Again, Gabriel didn’t immediately respond.

“Tell me why, Gabriel!”.

“I don’t know” responded Gabriel in a fleeting attempt to end the confrontation.

“You don’t know,” said Sam in disbelief “So, you just threw away your life just because?”.

Gabriel felt the tears roll down his cheeks.

Sam let go of him and sat back down on the couch. He placed both hands over his face to muffle his sobbing. Gabriel sat down in front of Sam and pried his hands away from his face.

“Sam- “

“There has to be a way to fix this” interrupted Sam.

Gabriel shook his head “You can’t” he said softly.

“You can’t give up” insisted Sam “Please, we have to try”.

Again, Gabriel shook his head. He let go of Sam’s wrists to open the case and sure enough, the trumpet repaired itself.

“There is no turning back,” said Gabriel.

Sam looked absolutely defeated.

“How long do you have?”.

“Nine months” whispered Gabriel.

Before Sam could do anything further, Gabriel held Sam close and painfully listened to Sam’s miserable wails before he crumbled under the weight.

It would be much longer before both could accept Gabriel’s departure.


	9. Confessions

For the past few days, Sam rarely spoke. He returned to the law firm despite his own reluctance and spoke very little to his fellow lawyers, sometimes one would randomly approach him and express their excitement over Sam’s return but his response to those displays of kindness was often explicitly passive.

The events that happened that night still lingered vividly in his mind. There were so many questions that Sam wanted to ask but was afraid that he couldn’t, based on Gabriel’s hostility to addressing the issue. Perhaps Sam should have expected it but lately, Gabriel has been distant, he didn’t bluntly ignore Sam but instead resorted to vague gestures of discomfort when Sam was around him. Initially, Sam wanted Gabriel to come on his own terms, but it was obvious now that this would go on until one of them dies.

Until one of them dies.

Sam pushed his hair back. Nine months, Gabriel had nine months to live.

_And you could never save him._

Sam stood up from his office chair and headed outside to clear his head.

***

Gabriel was sitting on his couch with Chet perched on his lap, he finished his theater performance an hour ago and was supposed to head to the subway station except now he was purposely postponing his schedule. Lately, he has been occupied by his own thoughts of shame and guilt.

Gabriel shouldn’t have placed this burden onto Sam. He shouldn’t have been so attached; he should’ve only remained acquainted with Sam instead of developing their relationship to this point. He tried to keep his distance, tried to give Sam explicit signs to leave him alone. But he soon learned that Sam wouldn’t leave him even if Gabriel were to directly tell him that he should. Gabriel should’ve been annoyed by Sam’s persistence but oddly enough he felt almost relieved and for that, he felt the most ashamed.

Gabriel gently petted Chet’s soft fur as he contemplated this.

He didn’t know why but everything felt more bearable when he was with Sam.

***

A sudden wave of anxiety washed over Sam as he stood inside the entrance hall of Gabriel’s building. He stared at Gabriel’s doorbell for a few seconds before pressing it. A few seconds later the entrance door clicked open. When Sam made his way to Gabriel’s door, Gabriel opened the door wide enough to poke out his head.

“What brings you here Sam?”.

“I- “Sam hesitated “I wanted to talk to you”.

“We can do it here” Gabriel gestured towards the hallway.

Sam shook his head “I want to talk to you inside your apartment”.

Gabriel looked down in discomfort before opening the door completely. Once Sam stepped inside, Chet immediately ran towards Sam and purred against his legs. Sam smiled before he picked up the cat off the floor and started petting him.

“I owe this little guy my life” acknowledged Gabriel as he stood next to Sam to pet behind Chet’s ear.

“I still don’t know how he managed to find you,” said Sam.

“I’m telling you that cat is part dog. It’s the only explanation as to why he has the nose of a bloodhound”.

Sam rolled his eyes in amusement before putting Chet back down on the floor “We can do a DNA test later but now there are a few things I want to address”.

Gabriel looked down but nodded his head in understanding. He guided Sam towards his couch and sat down in front of him before indicating to him that he could begin.

Sam took a deep breath before muttering “I-I just wanted to” but he couldn’t finish. He closed his eyes to focus but was distracted by the devil’s voice whispering against his ear.

_And you could never save him._

“I wanted to know wh- “he said more harshly, trying to push back the memories.

_You know, you can make a deal if you want._

He clasped his hands together to pull himself together.

He has pulled away from his thoughts when he felt Gabriel’s hand on top of his own. Without saying a word, Gabriel stood up and went to his record player. He placed the hand on the disc and slow dance music started to play. He moved the dining table against the tv before offering his hand to Sam. After a moment, Sam allowed him to pull him close. He felt Gabriel’s head against his chest before he heard him saying:

“Don’t focus on anything on anything else but me, okay? I know that this can’t be easy for you but let’s just hold on to each other. We can dance as we ask each other questions okay?”.

Gabriel looked up at Sam who nodded his head. Gabriel smiled before he rested his head against Sam’s chest again. They moved slowly with interlocked fingers before Sam managed to ask:

“Why did you do it?”.

Gabriel took a deep breath.

“I was eighteen when my father died. I felt scared because I knew I couldn’t make it on my own. I soon learned that to live as an artist, you had to be one of the best. I tried to go to the music industry with my talent alone but never succeeded in getting in, I tried in Broadway, but I got rejected there too. Basically, what it all came down to was desperation” Gabriel cleared his throat “Dad always told me that short fulfilling life was better than a long unsatisfying one, I took that into account when I made the deal. After everything was set, I played for different Broadway musicals and made good money on the streets. I decided not to go to the music industry though”.

“Why not?” asked Sam.

“I don’t really know” Gabriel confessed, “It just didn’t feel right”.

There was silence for a few minutes, during which they rocked each other before Sam said:

“I think I know why”.

Gabriel looked up at him in confusion.

“It’s because it didn’t matter anymore” before Gabriel could question him, Sam continued “You initially wanted to gain wealth and notoriety for your music, but after the deal, it just didn’t matter anymore. You were scared but you knew that you couldn’t take it back, you needed to distract yourself, to ease the burden of what was to come. So, music became your vector to escape from the underlining dread of your actions. But it didn’t work, did it? you composed that lyrical piece in December because you wanted to express what you’ve kept hidden for all those years”.

_“Why do you play music, if you don't mind me asking?”_

_“I think it’s because I genuinely believe it provides a proper distraction”._

_“A distraction from what?”._

_“From everything I guess”._

Gabriel didn’t say anything, he just looked at Sam with glassy eyes.

“How did you know?” he managed to mutter.

“You kind of hinted it at me”.

“No, I mean how did you know about the deal?”.

“The devil disguised himself as the judge for Kevin’s trial, he gave Kevin the life sentence and when I went to confront him, he-“ Sam took a deep breath, “He told me that I couldn’t save him and that I couldn’t save _you_ ”.

Gabriel looked down to hide the tears that were falling down his cheeks.

“It makes so much sense now” Sam acknowledged “In the end, he’s the judge and no amount of convincing can change his mind”.

Sam used his free hand to gently rub Gabriel’s back as Gabriel began to sob softly.

“I feel so much safer when I’m with you” he confessed “I don’t hear him when I’m near you”.

“It’s because of my name” replied Gabriel hoarsely “It repents him apparently; he can’t get near me while I’m still alive”.

“It’s because it’s a Biblical name” Sam realized “I guess you are your own guardian angel”.

Gabriel chuckled at that “I can be yours if you want for this short amount of time we have”.

Sam rested his head against Gabriel’s.

“You make me feel safe too” Gabriel confessed after a moment “I thought that it would be harder if you were here, but it’s not. You make it bearable”.

In the background, soft music played louder. For a moment, they thought of nothing else but to keep each other safe. They stayed close, holding on to each other in a gentle grip and rocking slowly to the music.

Nothing could separate them, not even death. 


	10. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pinch of Destiel in this chapter

Sam sat down at his desk and scanned through all the cases that managed to pile up during his absence. Most of them consisted of robberies and forgeries all of which, Sam knew, would easily be resolved through the plea agreement presented by the prosecutor, as was the case with ninety percent of the court cases in America. There was only one case that caught Sam’s attention, two people were convicted of breaking into an abandoned theater a month ago. The only reason they got caught was that they went through the back door instead of the emergency one. Sam didn’t know why, but it sounded kind of romantic except for the getting caught part of course.

Sam closed the file when he saw Cas coming in.

“Looks like you have your hands full,” Cas remarked.

Sam looked at all the folders on his desk “You’re right about that” he acknowledged.

Cas took a seat in front of him, with a concerned look on his face he asked:

“How have you been doing?”.

“A lot of things have happened” Sam admitted “But it’s fine, I managed to work through it. I-I feel safe,” he said softly.

Cas smiled “That’s good to hear”.

“What about you, Cas? What have you been doing when I was away?”.

Sam was slightly taken aback when Cas started blushing.

“I have been seeing someone, a man specifically” Cas blushed harder.

Sam offered a genuine smile “Cas, that’s great! What’s he like?”.

“He’s very nice. A bit on the tough side but, also sweet” Cas paused, frowning a little bit “Sam, I don’t think that- “.

Understanding dawned on Sam’s face (or at least he thought he understood). He took Cas’s hand, much to Cas’ surprise.

“We’ve known each other for quite some time now, we’ve been through so much together. It would make sense if you thought that there was something more between us. But Cas you’re my best friend and I want nothing but the best for you. Don’t throw away this opportunity just because you think that I would be jealous, I’m not. I’m thrilled that you found love”.

Cas gave him an uncomfortable look “That’s not what I meant”.

“What?”.

“I was never really into you that way”.

Sam gave a nervous laugh “Oh”.

Cas stood up and moved his arms awkwardly as though he was not sure about what to do with them “I Uhm I’ll see you around” he said before leaving.

“Yup” replied Sam, not daring to look Cas in the eye.

“hahaha”.

Sam waited grumblingly from the other side of the line for Gabriel to stop laughing so that he could continue the story.

“Cas forget about me. I am unworthy of your love” Gabriel said mockingly.

“That’s not what I said” Sam objected.

“It’s exactly what you said”.

“I wonder what he was trying to say,” said Sam, redirecting the conversation “He seemed pretty hesitant to talk about it”.

“Maybe he’s dating someone you know and thinks it’s a bit weird”.

“Why would I care though?”.

Sam could hear Gabriel’s shrug “Well, maybe they’re further into the relationship and he felt bad for not telling you”.

“Maybe”.

“Speaking of which, I-” But Sam paused, for the past couple of days he wanted to ask Gabriel to move in with him but didn’t know how to ask without sounding needy. At this point, they could tell each other anything so there was no need for Sam to be this hesitant. But perhaps asking through the phone was a bad idea “Do you think I should call my brother?” Sam asked instead.

“Of course, you haven’t spoken to him in almost two months”.

“But what if he’s upset?”.

“He’ll be more upset if you keep postponing” Gabriel insisted.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” said Sam after a moment of consideration.

“I know I am” Gabriel gloated “But listen, call him and tell me how it went at your place tonight okay?”.

“Okay”.

“I lo- “.

Sam pressed the phone closer against his ear when he heard Gabriel pause.

“I’ll see you later,” he said.

“See you later” replied Sam before he hung up.

He quickly dialed Dean’s number and pressed the phone against his ear. Dean was one of the only family members he stayed in contact with after he went to university, Dean supported him in every way even when he didn’t always agree with Sam’s decisions.

After the fifth ring, Dean picked up.

“Sammy! It’s been a while, where have you been?”.

Their conversation took off from there, Sam explained everything: Kevin, the trial, and the aftermath. He left out the bits involving the devil of course as to not freak out his older brother. After he was done, he heard Dean saying:

“Man, that’s awful. Please tell me you’re okay now”.

“Of course,” Sam reassured.

He heard Dean sigh in relief.

“So, what have you been doing?” asked Sam.

“Nothing much,” said Dean “I’ve been seeing someone”.

That’s weird.

“Who?”.

“A guy named Cas Novak”.

Sam’s mouth hung open as Dean continued talking. Apparently, they met on a dating website and have already been on a few dates. Next week they were going to Eleven Madison Park, one of the fanciest restaurants in New York to continue the trend of meeting up every week.

“Sammy?” asked Dean after Sam didn’t respond for a few seconds.

Sam shook his head to try to clear it “That’s great. I-I’m happy for you”.

“You sound hesitant,” remarked Dean.

Sam took a piece of paper and crumpled it in front of the speaker “Oh no Dean, you’re breaking off. I need to talk to you later” he lied.

“Wai- “but Sam already hung up.

Later that day, Sam was pacing back and forth in his living room with Gabriel sitting on the couch.

“I think you’re overreacting,” Gabriel remarked, his eyes following Sam.

“He’s dating my best friend,” said Sam in disbelief “And he didn’t say anything”.

“To be fair, you were in a coma for a month”.

Sam grumbled in annoyance before crossing his arms. Gabriel stood up and walked over to Sam. He placed his hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“I know that this is weird for you, but you got to accept that this is the way things are” Gabriel insisted.

Sam uncrossed his arms and gently gripped Gabriel’s hand “We need to follow them”.

“No, we don’t”.

“Please” Sam pleaded “We can observe them while eating dinner at Eleven Madison Park, it’s fancy and romantic”.

“It’s expensive”.

“I know you want to go”.

“I really don’t” objected Gabriel, though with not much confidence in his voice.

Sam pressed his forehead against Gabriel’s.

“Yes, you do” Sam teased.

Gabriel huffed in amusement “Fine”.

A week later, Sam executed his self-proclaimed brilliant plan. He and Gabriel were going to go half an hour after Dean and Cas entered the restaurant and observe them from the opposite side of the restaurant. It wasn’t the most complex of strategies, but it would have to do.

Gabriel was admiring the interior of the building while Sam was closely looking at Cas and Dean. After a while, a waiter came to their table and asked:

“Anything to drink, gentlemen?”.

“Water’s fine” Sam hastily replied, gaze still fixated upon Cas and Dean.

“Oh, and can I have a raspberry beret?” Gabriel asked politely.

“What are they doing?” mumbled Sam.

“And can you add a small umbrella?” Gabriel added before the waiter left.

“Sam, you’re obsessing,” said Gabriel after a while.

“No, I’m not” objected Sam even though his gaze was still upon Cas and Dean.

Before Gabriel could say anything, Sam nearly jumped from his seat:

“Is Cas asking to marry him?!” Sam looked more closely “Oh wait no, he’s pulling out his phone”.

“Sam,” Gabriel said sternly enough for Sam to abruptly look at him “If you don’t stop, I’m leaving”.

Sam gave him a guilty look “I’m sorry”.

Gabriel’s expression softened “How about we just enjoy our evening?”.

“Sure”.

The waiter came back with their drinks and Sam and Gabriel ordered their food. For the first time in a while, Gabriel enjoyed himself. Even though the restaurant was too extravagant for his taste, it gave him the joy to be around Sam. Sam’s short interludes to watch Cas and Dean proved more amusing than he thought.

Soon enough, Cas and Dean finished their meals and headed outside. Sam and Gabriel made sure to look away when they walked past them. Sam and Gabriel quickly followed them after they exited the door.

The mid-March, evening breeze felt colder than expected, Gabriel predicted that the snow would fall soon upon the streets. He clung a little to Sam as the cold temperature brought forward the memory of the crossroad nine years ago.

Sam felt Gabriel press himself closer to him. Without saying a word, he wrapped an arm around him.

“The sky is beautiful tonight,” said Gabriel, redirecting his thoughts.

“Oh, shit” Sam hissed abruptly.

“Oh shit?”

Before Gabriel could react, Sam pulled him into an alleyway and hid against the wall.

“They almost saw us” Sam clarified.

They waited in silence. Gabriel was pressed against Sam’s chest as he heard his soft and gentle heartbeat. However, a voice pierced through the silence.

“Sam what are you doing here?”.

Gabriel and Sam nearly screamed when they heard Dean’s voice. They turned their heads and saw Cas and Dean standing next to them.

“I can explain,” Sam said hastily.

But Dean held his hand up “You don’t need to; I knew you would do something stupid like this”.

Cas looked at Sam in disappointment “This is why I wasn’t upfront about who I was dating”.

“I- “Sam started, but Gabriel cut him off.

“I think we just got off on the wrong foot, how about we have drinks at my apartment and works things out there?” Gabriel suggested.

The other three men looked at each other for a moment before agreeing to Gabriel’s suggestion. It was a short walk to Gabriel’s apartment, once there Gabriel made the drinks while everybody else sat on the couch.

“I guess I was a bit obsessive” Sam admitted.

“A bit?” Dean asked sarcastically

“It’s just weird”.

“It’s only weird because you make it weird” objected Dean.

“I just wished you would tell me sooner”.

“When you came back, I hardly got to see you for a couple of days,” said Cas.

Sam turned his head towards the kitchen “I had something going on”.

When nobody said anything, Sam sighed heavily “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted this way. From now on, I will show nothing but my utmost support”.

And with that, Cas and Dean looked grateful.

Gabriel came back with the drinks and handed it out to everybody.

“So, how did you guys meet?” Dean asked after Gabriel took a seat next to Sam.

Sam quickly explained how they met at the subway station. He told them about the song and how that brought them together. He also told Cas that Gabriel played in the same theater where they watched that musical. Sam left out the bits involving the devil and Gabriel’s eventual departure.

“I do have to apologize for not telling you about Sam’s whereabouts,” said Cas.

Gabriel shook his head “I understand why you did it”.

Cas smiled in relief.

“This is perfect” Dean realized.

Sam looked at him in confusion “What do you mean?”.

“Well, Cas and I were planning to see Bobby in two weeks so that he could finally meet Cas. I was worried that things would become awkward, but if you guys come with us it wouldn’t be so weird”.

Gabriel looked down, the thought of seeing Sam’s family made him uncomfortable for some reason.

Sam saw Gabriel’s discomfort “I don’t know, Dean”.

“Didn’t you just say that you were going support Cas and I in every way?”.

Dean smirked when he saw Sam’s guilt-written face.

“Are you also going to see dad?” asked Sam, hoping that Dean would so that he would have an adequate excuse not to go.

“No, I don’t think he’s as open about this as Bobby”.

Damn it.

“We’ll use my car and drive together” suggested Dean.

Cas nodded in agreement and eventually, Sam mimicked the action. Gabriel didn’t do anything.

Dean didn’t seem to notice though because he said, “Then it’s settled, see you guys then”.

He and Cas then finished their drinks before heading out the front door.

Sam looked over at Gabriel “Are you okay?”.

“Yes,” Gabriel reassured the best he could.

Sam didn’t believe him though “It’s only for a day”.

Gabriel considered for a moment; this was about Sam showing support for his older brother so of course, he should help him in every way possible.

“Okay,” said Gabriel.


	11. Let's hurt tonight

It’s hard to explain how Gabriel felt about meeting a member of Sam’s family. Under regular circumstances, he should strive at nothing but to make a good first expression but secretly he hoped that thing would go poorly. It would be then easier for Sam to explain as to why Gabriel would abruptly leave in, what was now, eight months. Gabriel clutched the handle of the suitcase, sometimes it scared him just how easy he could think like this.

Sam, who was standing next to him on the sidewalk with Chet perched on his shoulder, noticed Gabriel’s distress “Hey, no need to worry. I’m sure that Bobby will love you” he soothed.

Gabriel tried to offer a genuine smile “I bet he will”.

After a while, Dean’s car pulled over. Gabriel and Sam put their luggage in the trunk and stepped inside the vehicle. Once in the car, Dean devised a plan to make sure everything went smoothly. Cas tried his best to reassure him, but Dean still expressed his concerns. Weirdly, Dean’s anxious demeanor reassured Sam’s conviction of coming along with Gabriel to support his older brother, and Sam knew that Dean was grateful as well.

They made it to Bobby’s house just before Chet could jump out of the car window, he was always anxious about being confined in small spaces. When Gabriel finally opened the car door, Chet practically laid down on the rocky pavement in relief.

“We will let him in once he gets enough fresh air,” said Gabriel.

“It’s probably for the best” Sam agreed “We just got to make sure he doesn’t go into the woods” he added.

Gabriel looked around and noticed just how deep in the underbrush they really were.

“Well, aren’t you idjits going to say hello?”.

Everybody turned to see Bobby leaning against the doorframe. From what Sam had told Gabriel, Bobby was a second father to Sam and Dean and an accepting one at that.

Dean immediately came forward and hugged him “Sorry about that, let me introduce you to Cas” Dean signaled Cas to come and Cas gladly obliged.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” said Cas before shaking Bobby’s hand.

Bobby smiled before pulling Cas in for a hug, he quickly turned his attention towards Gabriel “What about you Sam, aren’t you going to introduce me to your partner?”.

Sam placed his hand on Gabriel’s back and gently guided him forward so he could introduce himself. Once the formalities were done, Bobby brought the men inside. Gabriel was surprised just how old the interior was, the wallpaper and furniture looked like it was over a hundred years old, he also had quite a collection of old manuscripts. There wasn’t much to Sam and Gabriel’s rooms though, just two separate beds and a single nightstand.

“Makes you wonder just how long he had this house,” remarked Gabriel.

“It has been in the family lineage for quite some time” clarified Sam as he sat down on the bed.

Gabriel opened the bedroom window so that Chet could easily come inside.

“It’s nice that we can share a room,” he said.

“Speaking of sharing space- “Sam started but he was cut off when Dean entered the room.

“C’mon it’s time for dinner”.

Sam looked down at his wristwatch “It’s only five-thirty”.

Dean leaned his head further into the room “Don’t tell him, but he’s getting old”.

Sam groaned under his breath before getting up off the bed “Okay, let’s go”.

Once everybody was seated, Bobby began his interrogation. Luckily for Gabriel, he began first with Cas. He didn’t ask for anything explicit, just anything that could provide an adequate framework into the status of their relationship. The conversation only became personal when Bobby recounted Dean’s entire childhood, from his experiences to his future dreams. Occasionally, Bobby would tell an embarrassing story much to Dean’s disapproval.

“Dean was a big dreamer” Bobby explained “He always wanted to own a car business, Sam on the other hand always wanted the simpler things in life”.

Bobby focused his attention towards Gabriel, who looked back at him curiously “All he ever wanted was to marry and settle down”.

“It’s adorable honestly,” Dean told Gabriel.

Sam rolled his eyes “Well, I am not making any plans until I get mom out of jail”.

Bobby’s expression softened “I know you won’t, but I’m pretty sure that Gabriel could wait”.

Gabriel didn’t say anything. He kept his gaze averted, trying desperately to swallow the lump in his throat.

They finished their dinner shortly thereafter and after helping with the dishes, Sam and Gabriel returned to their room.

Sam closed their door and sat on the bed.

“Man, Bobby cannot stop talking” he joked.

But when Gabriel didn’t respond, Sam’s smile faded.

“Gabriel?”.

Gabriel didn’t look at him “I could never give you what you wanted”.

Sam sighed “Listen, what Bobby said-”.

“Was the truth” Gabriel interrupted all too harshly “Wasn’t it?”.

Sam didn’t respond.

“Marriage and home to settle in for the rest of your life. You deserve all of that but instead, I’m dragging you into my messes”.

“You’re not though”.

Somehow this enraged Gabriel “Yes I am Sam! We go around acting like nothing’s wrong and eventually you’ll start to believe that” his mind turned towards all times Sam had given him a hopeful smile even after the truth was revealed “You already have” he whispered.

When Sam remained quiet, Gabriel continued “Sam, I don’t want to leave knowing that broke you, that I left you heartbroken” tears started to form in his eyes at the thought “Please Sam, for your sake just stay away from me”.

All at once, Sam went pale “I’m not doing that to you”.

“Well, you’re going to have to! If you want even a semblance of a fulfilling life!”.

Sam stood up “Gabriel why are you like this? Why are you this angry, is it because of what Bobby said or Dean?”.

Suddenly feeling helpless, Gabriel turned away “I don’t know”.

Sam’s expression darkened “No, no, no you’re not avoiding this. Who are you angry at?” he demanded.

Gabriel remained silent.

“Tell me, Gabriel!”.

In a fit of rage, Gabriel slammed his fist against the wall “I’m angry at myself!”.

Just then, their bedroom door opened “Guys” Cas said worryingly “I can’t find Chet”.

“What do you mean you can’t find him?” Gabriel demanded.

“He’s nowhere near the perimeter of the house,” said Cas “I- I think he went into the woods”.

Without saying a word, Gabriel put on his shoes and raced towards the front door. Before Sam could follow him, he went downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed two flashlights. Gabriel was already calling the cat’s name when Sam made his way outside.

Sam placed his hand on Gabriel’s shoulder and could feel that he was starting to shake “Cas and Dean are going to look around the area in front of the house while Bobby is going to look around the perimeter again. We are going to look around the back of the house okay?”.

“Okay,” Gabriel muttered.

Sam gave him a flashlight and, together with Gabriel, went into the woods. They scanned through every tree and bush trying to find the missing cat. Sam looked through the forest floor, trying to find any tracks that indicated Chet’s whereabouts. But nothing came up. After some time, they made their way to a wheat field. Gabriel looked around and called Chet, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. He saw a single oak tree in the distance and started to run towards it. But he fell as soon as his foot sank into the mud. Gabriel took a second to grimace at his muddied clothing before getting up again. But before he could move, he felt a hand grab his wrist.

“Let go, Sam,” he said sternly.

“No, not until you calm down”.

Gabriel tugged his arm a bit harder, but Sam continued to hold a firm grip.

“Sam,” he said a bit harsher.

“Please just calm down”.

Gabriel snapped his head in anger but paused when he saw tears falling down Sam’s face.

With pleading eyes, Sam whispered:

“Please”.

Ashamed, Gabriel loosened his muscles.

Sam let go of his wrist and Gabriel didn’t runoff.

“I’m sorry” he whispered.

Sam shook his head “You’re not hurt, are you?”.

Gabriel looked down at his filth covered clothing “No”.

Sam wiped away his tears and smiled “Good” he went to stand next to Gabriel “Let’s keep looking”.

They went towards the tree a little slower this time. Gabriel was careful, making sure not to fall into the mud again. But he also knew that he wouldn’t base on how Sam held on to his shoulder. It was weird how easily he could forget just how committed Sam was in keeping him safe, it just seemed so unreal, so undeserved especially when Sam could have so much more. 

Gabriel was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard meowing. He sprinted forward and pointed the flashlight on the tree, Chet was perched on one of the higher branches.

“There you are!” Gabriel exclaimed, he put the flashlight on the ground and reached out his arms “C’mon Chet, let’s get you down from there”.

But Chet meowed anxiously, not wanting to make such a large leap. Sam chuckled and stepped forward. From behind Gabriel, he told Chet to jump. Chet, who now saw that the leap was much shorter, pounced into Sam’s arms.

Gabriel grumbled, feeling slightly rejected. Sam gave Chet to Gabriel who held him close in relief.

“You scared me half to death” muttered Gabriel as Chet began to purr.

Now that the initial alarm of Chet’s disappearance was over, it was important to address the issue. 

“Gabriel”.

“Yes?” asked Gabriel worryingly as Chet jumped off his arms.

Sam looked at him, feeling slightly dejected “Do you remember that night when you told me about the deal”.

God, that seemed like such a painful memory now.

“Yes,” Gabriel whispered.

“We said that we kept each other safe” reminded Sam, after a few seconds he continued “Gabriel, you said that you didn’t want to break me but it would tear me apart if I left you to die on your own”.

Gabriel focused his attention on him.

“I’m always going to have your death in my mind but that’ll only make me want to be with you more”. 

“But-”.

Sam cut him off, knowing exactly what he was about to say, “Marriage doesn’t matter to me especially when I can have something better with you”.

All at once, Gabriel began to shudder. Without saying a word, Sam pulled him close letting him cry on his chest.

“This is going to hurt so much” Gabriel moaned.

“Then let it hurt” soothed Sam “There is no point in trying to hide it”.

Gabriel closed his eyes “I have done nothing else but hide”.

Sam placed his hand behind Gabriel’s head, bringing him closer “I know. But you don’t have to anymore. I’m right here”.

“Aren’t you going to get sick of me?” insisted Gabriel.

“No, I won’t. I promise”.

They stayed there for a few minutes, holding onto each other before the cold temperature urged them to return home. Gabriel picked up Chet, and together with Sam, walked back. They returned home to everybody’s relieved faces, Bobby saw Gabriel’s filthy form and guided him to the shower. Sam waited for him in their bedroom with Chet laying on his stomach as he laid on the bed.

Soon enough, Gabriel entered the bedroom with Bobby’s pajamas.

Sam sat upright with Chet still perched on his lap “Didn’t you pack your own pajamas?”.

Gabriel shrugged “Bobby decided to be extra generous”.

Sam smiled but not without a touch of sadness “How are you feeling?”.

“Now that I’m not covered in mud, I feel refreshed”.

Sam sighed “I don’t mean just that”.

Gabriel sat down next to him “You do everything to keep me safe and I want to return the favor.” He took Sam’s hand “If me around keeping you safe and happy, then I will stay with you until the end”. 

Sam felt Gabriel lean on his shoulder.

Sam contemplated for a moment before he asked:

“Would you be willing to move in with me?”.

Gabriel looked at him and Sam found no insincerity in his eyes “I would love that”.


	12. Cubitum eamus

Moving out proved more difficult than what Gabriel had initially believed. He wasn't worried about getting rid of objects that could have possessed intrinsic value (Sam had reassured him that they already had all the essentials back at his place) or finding potential purchasers. No, the issue was the bed. 

_Is his bedroom large enough for two beds?_ Gabriel thought, _I mean, it must be right?_

Gabriel sat on the floor since all his furniture was gone already.

_But even if it wasn’t, it doesn’t matter, right?_

Gabriel nearly jumped when his doorbell alert went off. He looked at the videocam and saw Sam standing in the entrance hall with a small box in his hands. He unlocked the door and a few minutes later, Sam was at his door. 

“How are things going in here?” Sam asked as he stepped inside.

Gabriel closed the door behind him “I managed to get all the furniture and supplies to the secondhand store so, yeah things are going great”. 

Sam looked around “What are you going to do with your paintings?”. 

“I was going to bring them”. 

“All of them?”. 

Gabriel gave him a scrutinizing look “You don’t like my taste in art?”. 

“What? No. I mean I love this finger-painting of Halong Bay and this one of New Orleans and- “Sam looked around, trying rather desperately to find another piece of artwork he liked. 

Gabriel raised his eyebrows “And?”. 

Sam sighed in defeat “I mean c’mon, some of these are weird. Like this one” He addressed the one next to the front door “It’s just a white canvas with a red dot in the middle”. 

“But Sammy, it’s art”. 

“How is it art, though?”. 

“Well, first explain to me why it isn’t art”. 

“Because anybody can do it”.

“Exactly, so why didn’t you?”. 

Sam looked at him in confusion “Because it’s stupid”. 

“No, That’s not the point. The fact that the artist made something that anyone can create, makes it art”. 

Again, Sam gave him a confused expression. 

After a few seconds, Gabriel admitted “Yeah, it’s probably dumb. I’ll just leave it here and let the new owner decide what to do with it”. 

“Good choice” Sam agreed “I can’t believe you spend so much money on this”. 

“Hey, it was a very popular piece. Forgive me if I just wanted to fit in”. 

Sam chuckled in amusement “When should the desire to fit in be a reason for anything?”.

Gabriel contemplated for a moment “I guess, for a long time, fitting in was my reason for everything”. 

Sam looked at him, not quite understanding the implication within what was just being said. Even so, he touched his shoulder “Well, you don’t have to reason like that anymore especially not now”. 

Sam opened the box that he still had in his hands and revealed a medium-sized strawberry cake “I mean look how rebellious we’re being”. 

“I don’t quite follow”. 

“We’re going to eat this entire cake by ourselves” exclaimed Sam. 

Gabriel sighed, sounding all too disappointed “Please don’t ever become a criminal”. 

They went to Sam’s apartment to eat their cake. Once there, Gabriel kept glancing at Sam’s bedroom trying to estimate the room’s width while Sam was struggling to finish his second slice of cake. 

“I don’t know how some people can do this” Sam groaned “I feel like my blood sugar is going through the roof”. 

“Hm”. 

Sam followed Gabriel’s gaze “What are you thinking about?”. 

“Oh, I just thinking how moving in is such a big change for me”. 

Sam’s expression softened “It’s a step forward, huh?”.

“A step forward” Gabriel acknowledged “Sam?”.

Sam leaned forward, waiting. 

Gabriel blushed “Cubitum eamus” he muttered, somehow unable to compose a single sentence in English. 

It took a few seconds for Sam to realize what Gabriel had just said, once he did his face flushed bright red. 

“Right now?”. 

“No, no, no” Gabriel hastily replied, “I mean when I officially move in tonight”. 

“Uhm, sure” Sam stuttered “I mean where were you going to sleep? The couch?” he joked. 

Gabriel gave a nervous laugh in response.

There was a long silence. 

“Let me just put this cake in the fridge,” said Sam. 

“Okay”. 

It was safe to say that Gabriel and Sam were slightly exaggerating, there was no shame in sharing a bed. It was just a new thing for them. Especially for Gabriel, who was not accustomed to sharing such a small space with someone. But his nerves did ease slightly when he was already in the bed while Sam was taking a shower. He was making himself comfortable by adjusting his position when he noticed a book underneath Sam’s pillow. Curious, he took the book from under the pillow and noticed a note attached to one of the pages. He flipped to the appointed page and saw that there were two words underlined with a pencil. It read: 

Semper Fidelis, meaning “Always Faithful”. 

Gabriel peered at the words more closely, trying to find a reason as to why Sam had marked them. But he stopped his investigation when he heard Sam’s footsteps approaching the door. He carefully placed the book under the pillow before pulling the covers over him and pretending to sleep. Sam entered the room to find Gabriel already tucked in bed. Not wanting to wake him up, Sam quietly and carefully went in the bed. Gabriel opened his eye for a second before going to sleep. 

Later that night, Gabriel woke up to Sam nudging his shoulder. With a muffled groan, Gabriel asked: 

“What, Sam?”. 

There was a short pause. 

“I can’t sleep”. 

Gabriel sat up before turning on the lamp. He looked at Sam with a concerned expression on his face.

“Are you having nightmares?”. 

Sam shook his head. 

“No, I just can’t sleep,” he thought for a second “I want to go out”. 

Gabriel noted the time “It’s 2 am, Sam”. 

“I just want to walk around the streets, clear my mind”. 

“What are you thinking about?” Gabriel asked concerned.

“Nothing serious” Sam reassured “But I can understand if you don’t want to come with me”. 

Gabriel rubbed his eyes “Nope, there is no way in hell I am letting you walk alone in the streets at night”. 

They put on their casual clothing and headed outside. They made it for a few blocks before Gabriel decided to ask: 

“So, what were you thinking about?”. 

“It’s a bit complicated” Sam explained. 

“That’s good, I love complicated”. 

Sam focused his attention on the walking path “I mean it sounds cliché, but I want to do everything I can with you. Maybe do something completely unprecedented” he looked at his shoes “But I not quite sure how to do that”. 

“That’s because your idea of ‘unprecedented’ does not exceed past minor changes. You’re such a child of the law that one small thing out of routine makes you nervous. Tell me, Sam” he added, “You don’t go out at night, do you?”. 

“Well, no” he replied a bit nervously “This is completely unsafe and I’m not even doing the thing I wanted to do yet”. 

That confused Gabriel, “What exactly do you want to do?”. 

“You’ll see” Sam reassured. 

They walked a little further until Sam stopped in front of an old building. 

“What’s this?”. 

“It’s the Loew’s 46th St. Theater” replied Sam “It was a theater that ran for forty-six years until it closed down in 1973. You can’t go in without permission”.

“Oh,” Gabriel acknowledged. 

“Let’s go in”. 

“Excuse me?” Gabriel stammered.

But Sam was already heading towards the front door. Sam took out a lockpick and started to unlock the door. 

“What is the sentence for trespassing?” Gabriel asked.

“Maximum three months” replied Sam nonchalantly. 

“Well, that’s reassuring”. 

Sam managed to pry the door open, and after looking around them to make sure that nobody saw them, stepped inside with Gabriel right behind him. They maneuvered through the debris and empty soda cans until they reached the theater stage. Gabriel quietly gasped at the sight. The architecture reminded him of an Italian garden with all the ornamentation looking like leaves and shrubbery. The dome above them was painted a dark blue to replicate a night sky and, despite the dust and pieces of debris that covered it, the carpet they walked on featured an extravagant pattern. 

“It’s beautiful,” said Gabriel. 

They walked down to the orchestra, passing by thousands of seats. Sam wiggled the railing, that divided the auditorium and the pit orchestra below, to make sure it was secure before leaning against it. Gabriel quickly followed him, and together with him, looked at the pit below. 

Gabriel looked at all the stools that there were still placed neatly in rows “It’s unfortunate that they closed this place down”. 

“Yeah, it’s a real shame” agreed Sam “I think it closed down because it was too small”. 

“Most likely, I’ve worked for much larger theaters than this”. 

There was silence for a few seconds, “Did you ever enjoy working in Broadway?” Sam asked. 

Gabriel thought for a moment “Kind of. I mean don’t get me wrong, I loved playing with my fellow musicians, but it was never really my passion. I only ever did it so that I could make a living”. 

Sam thought about the conversation they had in March “What was your passion?”. 

“Cool Jazz” replied Gabriel “I always wanted to play my songs in a small café or a studio but-”. 

“But that changed when you made the deal” Sam finished. 

“Kind of, but there was another reason”. 

Before Sam could ask him, a loud shout came from behind them. 

“What are you two doing here? This place is prohibited!” a man yelled. 

“Shit” hissed Sam, he looked around him and saw the fire escape beside them. Sam quickly grabbed Gabriel’s hand and sprinted towards the door before the man could catch them. They ran down a flight of stairs and sprinted through the streets. Sam still held Gabriel’s hand when they made it to their apartment. They caught their breath after Sam closed the door. 

With the adrenaline still surging through their veins, they started laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. But their laughing fit abruptly stopped when Sam realized what he had done. 

“I can’t believe I broke the law,” he said in disbelief “Am I going to jail?”. 

Gabriel saw the panic in his eyes and sighed. He held both of Sam’s hands and asked: 

“Did we get caught?”.

“No”. 

“Does the guy have information on us?”. 

“No”. 

Gabriel looked around the room. 

“Are we custody?”. 

Sam huffed a little “No”. 

Gabriel gave a reassuring smile “Then we’re fine”. 

Sam nodded his head, but Gabriel could tell that he still felt guilty. 

“How about we don’t anything that crazy again?”. 

Sam gave him a pleading look “What are we going to do then”. 

“Anything small and simple”. 

Sam interlocked their fingers “But what if it’s not special enough?”. 

“Anything is special if I do it with you”. 

“ _pfft_. You’re such a dweeb” Sam laughed. 

Gabriel chuckled “There’s my happy Sammy”. 

Sam’s face turned bright red “Stop, you’re embarrassing me”. 

Gabriel smiled before he rested his head against Sam’s chest. He closed his eyes, just now realizing that he was exhausted. 

“Sam” he mumbled. 

“Yeah?”. 

“Cubitum eamus” he asked a bit more confidently this time. 

Sam pulled him closer “Sure”. 


	13. The things we do for love

Gabriel sluggishly opened his eyes to an unfamiliar setting; it was only after closer inspection that he realized that he was in Sam’s bedroom. He turned over to see Sam lying almost next to him, his hair was slightly ruffled, and his nose pressed softly on the pillow. It was such an adorable sight that Gabriel had to fight the urge to coo at that moment. 

Gabriel remembered what Sam had told him last night, about doing everything they could together. The problem is that Gabriel already has everything he could ask for, he had Sam. But he also knew that Sam wanted more for him. 

Gabriel carefully went out of the bed as to not wake up Sam. He put on some clothes that were still in the bathroom and headed towards the bookcase in the living room and took out some cash from the jars he used to collect money during his performances at the station. Before he opened the front door, he heard Chet meowing behind him. 

He kneeled down and gently petted the cat “I’m only going to be gone for a little while, I just need to go to the jewelry store, okay? Make sure that Sam gets his rest so no jumping on the bed”. 

Chet purred in response. 

Satisfied with the answer he was given, Gabriel stood up and exited the apartment. He returned half an hour later to Sam making breakfast. 

“Oh, there you are,” said Sam as he was making scrambled eggs “I was wondering where you went”. 

Gabriel shrugged “I was just doing some errands; how did you sleep?” he asked.

“Pretty good” replied Sam, sounding slightly surprised “Chet didn’t wake me like you said he would”. 

“Oh,” said Gabriel as he looked at Chet laying on the couch “That’s good”. 

Sam took two plates and distributed the eggs evenly amongst themselves. Sam took a seat across from Gabriel and served him his dish. Before Gabriel could eat though, he saw that Sam appeared distracted based on how he played around with his food. 

“What’s up?” asked Gabriel. 

Sam put down his fork “I was wondering if you would be willing to just walk around the streets, act like flanêurs or whatnot”. 

“I mean it’s not much but- “he continued but he was cut off by Gabriel who said: 

“It’s more than enough” reassured Gabriel. 

They finished their breakfast and put on their best clothing. Gabriel hid whatever he bought in the jewelry store in his pocket and took a large umbrella for both as he predicted that it would rain. They made it for a few blocks until Sam decided to ask: 

“Why did you give up your passion for cool jazz?”. 

“That’s a bit upfront,” Gabriel remarked. 

Sam shrugged “You were about to tell me last night before we were interrupted”. 

Gabriel crossed his arms “It’s a bit complicated” he whispered. 

“That’s good, I love complicated”. 

Gabriel smiled, remembering that he spoke those exact words. 

He saw a bench close by and decided to sit down for this explanation. 

“Sam, do you know what a musician wants more than anything?”. 

Sam took a seat next to him “To become famous?”. 

“Well sort of, it’s more telling than that” Gabriel sighed, his chest suddenly feeling heavy “What they want is for people to listen”. 

Gabriel gave Sam a few seconds to respond, when he didn’t Gabriel continued “Cool Jazz is characterized by the slow tempo that makes it sound melancholic which it often is. It never bothered me though, having a drug-addicted father I found out that I was rather lonely and Chet Baker’s songs would nurture any sadness I felt” he took a deep breath “I wanted to play cool jazz because I wanted to do to people what Chet did for me. Cool jazz would also be a way for me to express any sadness or even frustration I felt about losing my father. But I soon learned that nobody is willing to listen to a person’s troubles or any other expression of sadness. And the last thing you want as a musician is to be a nuisance”. 

“I couldn’t adapt to the genres that people would be willing to listen to so I made the deal” Gabriel chuckled but Sam could tell that he was hurt “I sold my soul so that people would listen, and that hurt more than anything else”.

Sam looked down out of physical empathy. He also felt bad for thinking that Gabriel sold his soul solely to make a living when there was so much more to it. 

Before Gabriel could continue, a light rain started to fall. Gabriel started to get up, but Sam simply opened the umbrella. 

“You can continue,” Sam said softly. 

  
“Thinking about it now I don’t why I had hide so much, from myself and others. I even lied to the devil about it” When Sam gave him an alarmed look, he clarified. “When I met the devil at the crossroads, the second thing I did was lie to him. He asked me if I liked jazz and I said I preferred classical” Gabriel contemplated for a second “I don’t know why I even said that”. 

“It’s because you were trying to appease him too” replied Sam. 

“Most likely”. 

Gabriel pushed his hair back “It’s funny you know when you play nothing but joyous songs. You come to believe that it’s the only thing you’re allowed to express” he looked at the ground "You don't really hide on purpose". 

Gabriel was slightly taken aback when Sam abruptly got up and offered his free hand. After a moment of deliberation, Gabriel took it. 

“I want to take you somewhere”. 

“Okay” replied Gabriel, feeling slightly confused. 

They walked through the rain for a while with Gabriel holding his hands around Sam’s arm to make sure that he was properly under the umbrella. Soon enough, they stopped in front of a café. 

“This looks nice,” said Gabriel. 

“Trust me, you’re going to love it” assured Sam. 

They stepped inside and Gabriel’s breath caught when he heard “Autumn Leaves”. He turned his head towards the source and saw a band playing in the corner of the café. 

A waitress came towards them “Good morning gentlemen”. 

“Good morning” replied Sam, “I think I made a reservation”. 

The waitress looked at Gabriel “Oh, of course, this way”. 

The waitress guided them to a table next to a window “We’ll come back to you shortly” she said before heading towards the band. 

“So, what do you think?” asked Sam after Gabriel remained silent. 

“It’s amazing,” Gabriel said in awe. 

“I looked this place up when you went out” Sam informed “I think it’s a good fit for you”. 

Sam thought for a second.

“Gabriel?”. 

“Yeah?”.

Sam’s features softened “You know I will always be here to listen to you; you can express anything you want, and I’ll always love your songs”. 

“You hammered that home since the first day we met” Gabriel acknowledge, thinking about the time when Sam had approached him and told him that the song, he played was inspiring. 

“And I am sure that these people will love to listen to you play as well”. 

“What makes you say that?”. 

Just then one of the band members approached their table. 

“Good morning gentlemen, I just received word that our new trumpeter was here. So, which one should I properly introduce myself to?”.

“That’ll be him, sir” Sam gestured towards Gabriel. 

“Oh, so you’re Gabriel Shurley. It’s a pleasure to meet you” The band member offered his hand and Gabriel awkwardly accepted it “I must say that the original piece you played was truly magnificent. It brought to tears”.

Gabriel gave Sam a confused look. 

“I sent him the recording” informed Sam. 

“We would love to have you in our band,” the band member said. 

Gabriel’s breath caught, he looked over at Sam again who gave him a reassuring smile.

“Sure” Gabriel replied. 

“That’s wonderful!” the band member exclaimed, “Can you start next week?”.

“Sure” replied Gabriel a bit more confidently this time. 

“Great! I’ll leave you two to it then” he said before leaving. 

After the band member left, Sam turned to Gabriel and said:

“You won’t make nearly as much money here as you do in Broadway but since we live together now, you don’t have to worry about finances”. 

“Why?” asked Gabriel. 

“Because I want to make you happy” replied Sam. 

Gabriel stood up and hugged him. 

“Thank you”.

Sam returned the embrace. 

“You’ve done everything you could to make me happy” whispered Gabriel “And like I said before, I want to return the favor”. 

Gabriel released him before going down on one knee. He took out a small box from his pocket and said: 

“Sam Winchester” he opened the box to reveal a golden ring “Will you marry me?”. 

Sam placed a hand over his mouth to muffle down his sounds of shock. 

With tears in his eyes, he replied:

“Of course,”. 

Gabriel put the ring on his finger and Sam did the same. 

With his knee still on the floor, Gabriel felt Sam’s hand over his cheek. 

He closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss. 


	14. Summertime Sadness

Sam and Gabriel planned to marry on the longest day of the year, June 20th. Gabriel has been working in the café for almost two months now, and he felt like he was a part of a larger family. When the day of the wedding came, the band members commemorated by playing “Love is here to stay” by Frank Sinatra. It was safe to say that the kind gesture left Gabriel a blushing mess. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” said Gabriel after they finished the song. 

“You'll be fine” replied Sarah as she was handing out drinks to customers “No need to worry”. 

“Sarah’s right” agreed Bill, the pianist of the band “life’s too short to worry”. 

“It is too short” Gabriel acknowledged, fiddling with the ring on his finger. He took a deep breath before taking his trilby hat and saying: 

“I’m going to be a husband”. 

Everybody in the café clapped as Gabriel sprinted through the front door, unable to contain his excitement. 

He never expected to marry, almost a year ago he thought that he was content with dying on his own with no one to miss him. Sam had changed his life so drastically it almost felt unreal, Sam had taught him that there was no shame in expressing whatever he felt, and there was no need to hide it. But most importantly, he taught him to love. 

Gabriel stepped inside their apartment to hear Sam playing his guitar. Soft melodies emanated throughout their building as Sam played “Fly Me to the moon”. 

_ Fill my heart with song _

_ Let me sing forevermore _

_ You are all I long for _

_ All I worship and adore _

_ In other words, please be true _

_ In other words, in other words _

_ I love you. _

Gabriel went over to Sam and wrapped his arms around his neck. Sam finished his song and looked up to Gabriel standing above him. He smiled softly before putting the guitar in the case and standing up from the stool. Gabriel clung to him a little as he was about to be hoisted up off the ground. 

With Gabriel’s arms still around his neck, Sam leaned down and kissed his nose. 

Gabriel chuckled softly at the contact “You played the song lovely” he complimented.

“Thanks”.

“Are you planning to join our band?” Gabriel asked.

“Nah, I was just trying to resurrect Phillis”. 

Gabriel looked at the Calathea they bought at the plant store and saw that the leaves were starting to wither. 

“And you think that music will help?” Gabriel asked judgmentally.

“It has been scientifically proven that plants respond well to music” objected Sam. 

“Huh” responded Gabriel, still not all too convinced.

"It is those kinds of things that you don’t expect to be true. Like if you sleep with a book under your pillow, you'll remember what is written within the pages”. 

Gabriel's mind turned towards the memory of finding a book underneath Sam’s pillow with the words “Always Faithful” underlined with a pencil. 

“Huh” Gabriel repeated, now convinced. 

Sam looked outside and saw that the moon was out. 

“Are you ready?”

Gabriel nodded, “I’m ready. " 

Their small wedding was to take place in Central Park, in one of the grass fields under the light of the moon. They made sure to put on their best suits for this occasion before heading out the front door. 

As they walked to their destination, Gabriel felt his heart racing. But for the first time, it was not out of fear. He felt excited, even invigorated. He clung to Sam, unable to contain the new surge of energy that pulsed through his veins. Sam noticed his demeanor and responded by leaning into Gabriel. 

They reach Central park and found their desired grass field. Once they walked a little further. They took off their shoes and socks.

Sam put on the speaker he brought with him and played “Stay with me” by Sam Smith. Sam offered his hand, and Gabriel gladly accepted. 

Under the moon, they began to dance.

Unlike the dance they did in March, this one was high spirits. There was no need for emotional confessions because everything was said, they knew all too well that they would keep each other safe and love each other even after Gabriel was gone. 

They were a bit uncoordinated and moved a bit unsteady, but their firm and gentle grip made sure that they would not fall or stumble over. They felt the sweat go down their faces as they continued to dance their hearts out. 

They were alive and incredibly so. 

And for a moment, nothing could scare them. If death were to come, it would have to do so now when their emotions were the most intense. 

When they stopped, they breathed heavily to recapture the air that left their lungs and let the remaining sweat drip down. They still held on to each other hands, their golden rings shining through the moonlight. 

“I love you, Gabriel”. 

“I love you too, Sam”. 

They pressed their lips together, declaring their marriage. 

And Gabriel never felt so loved. 

They returned home later that night and went straight to bed, clothes still intact. Unaware that the Calathea that they presumed dead had come back to life. 


	15. Midnight

How quickly Summer could become Autumn, Gabriel would never know. He felt the change through the cold breezes that would enter through the open window. Winter was coming soon, and Gabriel bristled at what was to come. But the coldness became more bearable with Sam’s warm body pressed against his. Through his warmth, nothing but pleasant dreams ushered in; ones that explored different alternatives to their union, where Gabriel had never made the deal. 

Would they have met somewhere else then? Or even in a different time entirely? 

Gabriel guessed that they would have met at the café where he played his song. Would Sam have cried with the crowd? Gabriel hoped not, he never wanted to be the reason why Sam would cry. 

Sam would encourage him to dance, but Gabriel would be hesitant, claiming that he didn’t how. But Sam would merely say that there was nothing wrong with that. Would they have rocked each other slowly or dance with burning intensity? Either way, they would hold on to each other close and break free from any restraints that bounded them. Eventually, Sam would have drunk too much, and Gabriel would have to take him home. 

Gabriel would have put Sam’s hair up when he was throwing up and would stay with him when Sam insisted that he shouldn’t leave. Would confessions have been made? Hopefully, those that did not involve heartbreak but instead of a blossoming admiration for each other. And after that, they would lay there, holding on to each other before Sam said: 

“It's time to wake up, Gabriel”. 

Gabriel opened his eyes and realized that he was dreaming. He sighed heavily before turning around so that he was facing Sam. Gabriel has read of many other people who have committed the same act that he did, and all ended the same way, with their bodies dragged to hell. There was only one exception, Faust, who redeemed himself through his devotion to the world. 

Gabriel gently gripped Sam’s shoulder. 

Was he devoted to Sam enough to save himself? 

He wasn’t sure. 

Gabriel looked at the finer lines of Sam’s face, seeing how calm and content he appeared. 

Gabriel knew that he wouldn’t look like this when the day came. 

And when it eventually did, Gabriel was proven right. 

On the day of his departure, Gabriel found Sam leaning against the railing of the balcony and watching the light snowfall go down upon the streets. 

“Hey,” said Gabriel as he went to stand next to Sam “How are you doing?”. 

Sam shook his head “I can’t believe that the day is here, everything went by so quickly that I couldn’t keep up”. 

Gabriel took his hand and Sam swallowed thickly, trying to fight off the tears that he knew were coming. 

“Do you remember when you played “All I ask of you” and I listened to you from here?”. 

Gabriel nodded “I also remember when you shouted from across the street just to ask me a question”. 

Sam chuckled to loosen the knot in his throat “So much has happened since then, so many good and wonderful things”. 

Sam let his words sink in until tears started to fall down his cheeks. 

“Gabriel,” he rasped after a moment “I’m going to miss you so damn much”. 

Gabriel pulled him close and let him cry on his shoulder. 

“I’m going to miss you too, Sam”. 

Sam gripped him tighter “If only I had met you sooner, I- “.

“No, no, no” Gabriel interrupted “Don’t think about what could have been, don’t make it harder”. 

“How can you be so calm about this?”. 

“I’m not, ” said Gabriel as he allowed some tears to roll down his cheek “I’m doing everything I can from falling apart”. 

“Why would you do that?”. 

Gabriel placed his hand against Sam’s cheek “Because I want to be here for you when  _ you  _ break down”. 

Sam gripped his hand, considering Gabriel's words “Just don’t hurt yourself, okay?”. 

Gabriel nodded. 

After a moment he asked: 

“Sam?”.

“Yeah?”. 

“Please don’t be there when I die, I don’t want you to see it”. 

“Where will you go?” Sam asked wearily. 

“I’ll go to Central Park, where we got married. That way you’ll be with me in memory”. 

New waves of tears came down. 

“Okay,” he whispered. 

They stood there for a while, holding on to each other as the snow fell gently on them. 

***

It was a quatre till midnight. Gabriel placed his trumpet in his case and stood in front of the door. 

“You’re bringing it with you?”. 

“Yeah” replied Gabriel “I started everything with this trumpet, might as well end it with it”. 

Sam nodded his head in understanding. 

Just then, Chet came from behind Sam and meowed anxiously.

“Oh, Chet, “Gabriel went down on his knees “Come here, buddy”. 

Chet cautiously approached him, and Gabriel picked him up.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go now. Be a good boy and take care of Sam okay?”. 

Chet meowed in response. 

Gabriel gave Chet to Sam, who held the cat close. 

“Goodbye Sam”.

Sam swallowed in a hastily attempt to keep himself together “Goodbye Gabriel”. 

Gabriel gave a sad smile before exiting the door.

Sam stood there for a few minutes, staring at the door in longing before he put Chet on the floor and headed towards the kitchen. He took out a stool and sat down, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

He looked at the clock: 

Five before midnight. 

Just then his phone started vibrating. Without looking who it was, he picked up. 

“Hello?”. 

“Sam”. 

“Gabriel?” he asked. 

“Sam. I’m sorry I can’t do it. I’m scared” Gabriel said hoarsely. 

“No, shh it’s okay. It’s okay” Sam soothed, trying to sound reassuring “Just close your eyes and think of something nice”. 

He heard Gabriel chuckle “Where do I even start”. 

“Well, you can think about the time we broke into the theater or when we got married or- “Sam swallowed harshly, overwhelmed by a sudden wave of emotions “Or every time we held each other close”.

Sam gave him a few seconds to picture everything. 

“Sam?”. 

“Yes, Gabriel?”. 

There was a short pause.

“Thank you, for saving my life”. 

Sam placed a hand over his mouth to muffle his sobbing. He took in short breaths before asking: 

“Gabriel?”.

Silence. 

“Gabriel?” Sam asked a bit more desperately this time. 

Still no answer. 

Slowly, Sam looked up at the clock. 

The hand had just struck midnight. 


	16. Always Faithful

Sam was still sitting by the kitchen table when everything was settled. He stared at the table absentmindedly, unable to move a single muscle. 

Just then, his phone started ringing. 

He hastily picked it up. 

“Gabriel?”. 

“No, it’s Charlie”.

Sam let out a shaky breath “Oh”. 

“Sam, do you remember Kevin Tran?”. 

The memories crept forward. 

“How could I not”. 

“Well, allegedly Judge Nicolas has been diagnosed with dementia since January. If that is true, we could propose a new trial on the basis that Nicolas was unfit to judge”. 

Sam gripped the phone tighter. 

_You could never save Kevin._

This could be another trick to further mock his efforts, the devil could come again, he could- 

But Sam closed his eyes. 

He thought of the words he kept dormant in his mind, Semper Fidelis i.e. Always Faithful. 

_I guess you are your own guardian angel._

_I can be yours if you want for this short amount of time we have._

Sam fiddled with the golden ring around his finger. The devil wouldn’t touch him, not when Sam kept Gabriel close in his memory. 

“Okay, let's try,” he told Charlie. 

“Great! Meet me at the firm asap”. 

“Sure thing”. 

Sam hung up the phone. He put some cat food in Chet’s bowl before going to the bedroom. When he came back, he noticed that Chet didn’t touch his food and was now sitting in front of the door, waiting for Gabriel to come back. 

Sam swallowed thickly. 

“I’m sorry, Chet” he picked up the cat “But he isn’t coming back”. 

Chet meowed anxiously. 

Sam knew that he shouldn’t leave Chet alone right now “How about I bring you with me? I can put you in my bag when we reach the firm and smuggle you in. I know that you don’t like small spaces, but my office is only on the second floor”. 

Chet purred against Sam’s arm in response. 

***

_Gabriel groaned softly on the pillow._

_Sam was already up and getting his clothes on._

_“Gabriel,” he said softly, brushing his hair back “Don’t you think it’s time to wake up”._

_Gabriel put his head deeper into the pillow in response._

_“Wake up, Gabriel”._

_“Wake up”._

Gabriel opened his eyes to a dark hallway. He quickly sat up and frantically searched the floor for his case, when he felt the handle, he immediately grabbed it and held it close. He heard the loud snarling of the hellhounds around him, and when he inspected his arms, he saw that the bite marks were still engraved deep into his skin but there was no blood, proving his demise. He stood up and the torches that hung on both sides of the walls lit up. He saw two wooden doors at the end of the hallway. The hellhounds snapped and barked, forcing him to move forward. And with no other choice, he complied. 

When he reached the doors, he saw the message engraved above them. 

_Abandon hope all ye who enter here._

Gabriel sighed heavily before he opened the doors. He stepped inside to a large ballroom with a fireplace at the end of the corridor. Above him were Imps that were scratching x’s on the faces of angels painted on the ceiling, some noticed him and began to snarl ferociously. Two hellhounds ran past him to the fireplace where a red leathered reading chair was perched in front of the flames. Gabriel walked forward, trying his best to ignore snarls and barks around him. 

When he reached the fireplace, he noticed that something was sitting on the leather chair. He realized who it was when he spoke: 

“It’s been a long time, “.

He gagged a little bit.

“Gabriel”.

“Man, I hate that name,” said Lucifer “Makes me want to go as far away from you as possible. But it doesn’t matter, once you step into the flame your human soul will be corrupted and destroyed, and I’ll give you a new name”. 

Gabriel bristled. 

The devil looked down and saw the case that Gabriel had in his hands “I’m afraid you can’t bring that with you, as much as I appreciate the art, I can’t allow it in my domain”.

“Of course, “replied Gabriel “But before I go, I want to play one more song”.

Lucifer smiled “I’m not one to refuse a good song, go right ahead”. 

Gabriel nodded his head in appreciation before taking out his trumpet from his case. 

He paused when he placed the mouthpiece against his lips. Any gift he got from the devil was gone now, all he had was his own abilities. He looked at the golden ring he still had around his finger and smiled. 

He wasn’t alone and he’ll never be again. 

He took a deep breath and started to play his song. 

What happened next could only be described as a true miracle. The Imps that were on the ceiling stopped their scratching and began to cry. The hellhounds that were around him moved away from him with their heads down and tails in between their legs. They whined softly as Gabriel continued playing and the flame that illuminated the room began to dim down. 

Gabriel expressed the same heartbreak and sorrow, but this time he did not cry for mere retribution but to return to a lover he left too soon.

When Gabriel finished, all went silent. No snarls or barks were heard, only soft whines and sobs. 

Lucifer didn’t say anything, he stood up with his face towards the flame. A hellhound cautiously approached him, but Lucifer brushed him off still not saying a single word. 

Gabriel waited. 

“You’re free to go,” he said, “Return to your lover”.

Gabriel's eyes widened before he quickly put his trumpet in his case and started walking away. 

“Gabriel, “Lucifer said sternly.

Gabriel turned around to see Lucifer looking at him with glassy eyes. 

“If you continue to play like this, who knows? You might please the Lord”. 

Gabriel nodded his head before walking away. 

*** 

Sam stood on his platform, waiting for his subway to arrive. Chet was perched on his shoulders and looking around curiously. 

His subway entered the station and the doors opened. But before Sam could step inside it, he heard a familiar melody starting to play. He had only a second to react before Chet jumped off his shoulder. 

Sam saw how Chet approached a steel column and began to meow loudly. Whoever was playing, stopped, and picked up the cat. 

Sam cautiously approached them; his breath caught when he saw Gabriel holding Chet closely. 

Gabriel had closed wounds all over his arms and neck. He looked up at Sam and smiled.

“Hi, Sam”. 

Tears started to fall down Sam’s face. He gently touched Gabriel’s cheek and Gabriel leaned into the touch.

“You have no idea what I had to do to get here”.

Sam chuckled through the tears and held Gabriel close. Gabriel returned the embrace. 

“Welcome back,” whispered Sam. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everybody for the love and support, I had a really fun time writing this story!
> 
> Hopefully, I can begin with my next project soon.
> 
> Love you all!
> 
> Accidental_Shipper.


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